Condom Effectiveness

[Olivia15]

I recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 6 months. (We know that both of us have no STD, worry is about pregnancy). We used a condom, plus pulled out before he was anywhere near close to coming and finished him with oral. One problem i'm worried about, that i haven't seen addressed in any articles, is that sometimes my boyfriend has trouble keeping an erection. While we were having sex, there were a few times where he went soft, and had to pull out and get hard enough before he went back in. Also stuff like during sex, noticing condom slipping down and pulling it back up. I know that when you end sex, you're supposed to pull out before you get soft, but what about during? After he got soft a few times he decided we should stop because he was worried about condom not staying on. Is this improper condom use? He told me he thinks theres almost no risk because we used condom and pullout, but i'm a little scared that our methods were ineffective. Have you heard of something like this before??

[Amanda]

Hi again Olivia,

Sorry if my replies in chat did not reassure you, but your risk really is low to non-existent. Pre-ejaculate itself contains very few sperm, if any (close to zero if your partner has urinated recently before intercourse). Since the condom only slipped down (not all the way off), you can be pretty sure that most if not all fluids stayed inside the condom. The bottom line is that no semen came in contact with your vulva, which is what constitutes a full-blown pregnancy risk, so there is no cause for concern. Although since slipping seems to be a problem, and the potential is there for the condom to slip all the way off in the future, a backup method would be a good idea (but of course backup methods are always a good idea!).

On another note though, does your partner feel that the condoms you have fit him properly? They aren't too big or too small? Fit is really important both for sensation and to make sure the darn thing stays in place!

Hope this helps!

[Olivia15]

First off I wanted to thank you for all your help once again!! Just so you know, I posted this question here prior to our chat, the reason i turned to chat was because i didn't get any responses after an hour or so haha. But thanks so much for taking the time to respond to my questions!!

I think the condoms I have fit him? he didn't mention anything about the size. It was the first time either of us had ever had sex so we don't really have experience in this matter at all. We used a skyn brand polyisoprene condom a friend gave me, but besides that, we just have a bunch of lifestyles that I got for free at the teen clinic. I think his size is pretty average, and the condoms were like normal sized too (however, although we rolled them down as far as we could on him, the condom wasn't unrolled all the way because it was too long. is this normal?)

[Redskies]

Hi Olivia,

when intercourse is new - either between the two people, or also entirely new for someone with a penis - it's not unusual for an erection to be a bit off-and-on. Partly that's to do with getting used to which physical things match up well with desires in the mind and what feels good, and which don't. Partly, it's that areas of the brain that are involved with desire and arousal are also involved with other fundamental emotions and physical responses, so if someone's feeling nervous or super-anticipation, those feelings and responses can get priority from the body while the arousal responses are made to wait in line until there's less going on! It's a little ironic, of course, and can feel frustrating or silly, but it really is just one of those things that bodies do and which usually settles down with time and a relaxed attitude towards it.

It sounds like you both did the right thing by making sure that the condom stayed on during the times he was less erect. Any time that that's particularly difficult to do, the best thing to do is to pause vagina-penis contact and take the condom off, and then put a new one on if/when you both want to continue vagina-penis contact.

Re. condoms slipping a bit: a little bit of movement of the condom on the penis, and/or slightly rolling up the penis, is absolutely normal and expected, and counted within correct condom use. It's only an issue when it seems like the condom might come completely off. And yes, it's absolutely fine that the condom wasn't unrolled all the way: they usually won't be, because length-wise they're intended to fit everybody - it's only the width (the ring size) that has different sizes. If the condom is rolled fully over the length of the penis, it's all good!

Your partner's erection going off and on is probably the cause of the condom not fitting properly, because of course, they're meant to fit an erect penis and not a flaccid one. Even so, different needs for condom sizes are more common than most people realise, so if your boyfriend wants to do a check-in about what's likely best for him, there's a good guide at Lucky Bloke: http://luckybloke.com/pages/find-your-condom-size .

You both have another possible option, too: inside ("female") condoms. They're placed inside the vagina, so they're not affected by physical changes in the penis. There's more info on how they work in All the Barriers! All the Time!

Does that info seem like it meets your needs? Any further questions you have for us about any of this?

[Olivia15]

Yeah!! You answered every question i had really well! Thank you so much for your reassurence and help

[Redskies]

You're very welcome!

[Olivia15]

Hi! Just one more question i think. When we talk about condom failing, does this mean specificly like a huge, noticable tear in the condom, or is it like microscopic holes in the condom i can see? So, if the condom doesnt appear to be broken after inspection, was it effective?? My period is supposed to come in around 5 days, and i noticed my boobs(especially nipples) were kind of sore, which i understand is an early symptom. I wanna know if i need to get a test, or if im just creating problems in my head. Thanks again!!

[Redskies]

Yep, if a condom breaks, it's going to be an obvious thing that you'd be able to see. The "microscopic holes" thing isn't actually real: it's a myth spread by people who are extremely misinformed about condoms, and by some people who are against contraception or against young/unmarried people having sex and trying to scare people away from those things. Condoms don't have microscopic holes and don't develop microscopic holes during use

If you follow correct condom usage and it looks fine when you're done, then yes, you can be confident that the condom protected you from pregnancy.

If you're still concerned about pregnancy, the best move is to go through The Pregnancy Panic Companion and identify your next steps.

Condoms, in correct usage, are an effective birth control method. Even so, some people feel like they need a higher level of protection from pregnancy in order to feel comfortable and confident. Other than not having the kinds of sex that present pregnancy risks, the best way of reducing pregnancy risk is to use two methods of contraception. Is that something you'd like to consider? If so, we're happy to talk with you about your options for a method to pair with condoms.

[Olivia15]

Im trying to make a planned parenthood appointment to get birth control pills soon. Me and my bf have been talking about the implant, but im not sure if i can get it for free, and also if it stops my periods, i dont want my parents to notice i stop using pads. Also planning to either buy and take a pregnancy test, or take one at PP. My period is supposed to come now (or in a few days?) Today i had a brown discharge when i wiped, and a little bit of brown discharge on my pantyliner. Im really hopeful that this isnt implantation bleeding, but what exactly /is/ implantation bleeding? Is what i experianced normal? Thanks for all the help.

[Sam W]

Hi Olivia,

For the bleeding, we can't say what it is for sure, but since your period is due soon, it's most likely related to that. But, if you're worried, I would go ahead with your plan to test.

If you're thinking about birth control options, have you gone through this piece yet? If not, it can offer you some more information and options based upon your preferences:
Birth Control Bingo!

[Olivia15]

If my risk was on sept.11th, is it ok to take a test yet?? I want to take an accurate test bcs im so scared and i feel like knowing for sure would allow me to either calm down or seek the next step, which is something i cant do now bcs im uncertain. I know my panic is irrational bcs the risk is SO LOW but i cant help but feel so stressed out about this, especially since my period was supposed to come on the 32nd day of my cycle and it didnt

[Heather]

As the instructions on pregnancy tests will all state, as soon as a period is late or missed, a test can be taken and, so long as you follow the directions of the test, yield accurate results.