What did I do wrong?

[SaraC]

Hi guys! I need some help. So my menstrual cycle is usually 26 days long, and was due on October 4. It's been 2 days since it was due and it's still not here! I have bad cramps and constantly feel wet but no sign of my period it just feels like it's coming but everytime I check there's nothing there. I had breast pain last week but it has since subsided I'm just stuck with these bad cramps. Around September 2nd my boyfriend wore a condom and didn't ejacualte into me, but he sort of grinded in me, but didn't exactly penetrate into me.. But we always check the condom and there was no sign of damage.My last period was September 8th, so I doubt that it had anything to do with this cycle. This cycle we only have given each other hand jobs and oral.. But I always wash my hands afterwards..I doubt that the sperm would live on my hand for a few hours. And he never takes a hand full of semen and sticks it up me and I have read your articles on how pregnancy happens and my fears are illogical according to your articles. Now besides that, I also been on Lexapro (an antidepressant) since June and my dose psychiatrist increased my dose around late July early August and I noticed sometimes my period is heavy and sometimes it's been light. Last period (September 8) it was heavy.. But I never been late like this. Do you think that's the reason it's not coming? I also had an extremely traumatizing event happen to me at work on September 17 when a man came into my workplace and robbed the store and tied me up in the back and held a gun to my head and stole my money and register cash.. That took a big toll on me.. But I'm doing better. What do you think is the cause of my missing period? Thanks!

[Heather]

I am so very sorry that you had to survive a violent robbery like that, but I am so glad that you did survive. That's a tremendous trauma, and we know from study that with any kind of trauma, it's the stuff where we felt our life is at real risk, as yours was, that hits the hardest and is the toughest to process. That's a lot to deal with, but I'm so glad you've come through.

Moving on to some body info: regular menstrual cycles have a standard deviation of 2-3 days. That means that even just for people with regular cycles -- we're not even touching irregular ones -- what's most common is a variation from cycle to cycle of that 2-3 days. That's why a late period, in medical terms, is a period that is five or more days later than the LATEST it's expected. So, you're not late yet, just average. If this sounds familiar, it's because we've talked about this before when you've had similar concerns, so it might help to look back at your own history here and see that there have, indeed, been a couple of times your period was a few days later than you expected to remind yourself that you clearly have at least that standard deviation in your very recent menstrual history.

If you used a method of contraception -- like the condom -- properly for any kind of sex that did present a pregnancy risk, the risk of pregnancy is tiny. You're also describing things that don't pose those risks to begin with.

So, for now: you're not late, and there's really not anything to talk about per why your period hasn't arrived, because you're not late. That given, all you can really do now is whatever you can to relax, take care of yourself, and wait this out. And if you feel like any of the kinds of sexual activity you're doing are just too much for you right now, it might be a good idea to take them off the table while you take some more time to just process through what you've so recently been through without any additional stress. If we can help you with that, please ask.

[SaraC]

Thank you!