Help/Tips for Trans and Gender non-conforming students

[Sam W]

So, I've been seeing this post on Tumblr about how to email a teacher to let them know the correct name/pronoun(s) to use:
http://sthealth.tumblr.com/post/3218022 ... -regarding

And that got me thinking, it might be nice to have a thread that's a space for sharing tips about how to navigate school while trans. So if you have advice about what has worked for you, here's the place for it!

[HsurNiarb]

No one has yet responded to this thread, so... *cracks knuckles* Prepare yourself for some advice, y'all.

I am currently a college student, but will start from middle school and work my way up through high school to college. That way, I think they will show up more linearly. I will post each section in a different reply for readability's sake.

DISCLAIMER: I am but one human. I don't know everything about anything, and will thusly be less-than-perfect in my advising. All advice is based off of personal experience, and off of what I know biologically and sociologically. If I make a mistake, I apologize!

All information comes based off of experiences in the northwest United States.

[HsurNiarb]

Junior High. Ah, the home of your perhaps first locker room. Maybe your first romance. Perhaps even your first sexual experience. Woo-wee, that's a lot to handle! What if, on top of all of that, you find yourself desperately struggling with your gender identity? Oh my land, what a mess!

Worse even, (most!) Junior high schools and middle schools I have come in contact with generally don't have much support for LGBTQ+ individuals. I have never seen any support clubs or groups allowed in my old district, and folks have been fighting for them since I was asked to sign a petition for one in eighth grade (five or so years ago), and probably even before that!

However! There is a light.

Counselors are generally provided for students at all levels of schooling, and if you feel the need to discuss your questions, concerns, or general experiences with anyone, they are available. As with all health care for minors, though, if you are hurting yourself, talking about hurting or killing youraelf, or hurting others, it's pretty likely that your parent or guardian will be notified. Pretty sure your gender wouldn't be brought up, but I am not one hundo percent sure.

In locker room situations, I have found it much easier to deal with that discomfort and dysphoria by changing in a shower or a bathroom stall. Lots of students do this, regardless of gender. Some just aren't comfy with changing in front of others. If you really feel you need an even more private location, talk to your teacher or the person in charge of the locker room. There may be an even better alternative! Unfortunately, if you entirely identify as the sex opposite your biological sex, I can 99% guarentee you won't get to use that gender's locker room. Sucks, I know.

If you want to be called by different pronouns, your friends should comply pretty easily. Just ask them, in a polite, calm, mature way, to call you by your preferred pronouns. Teachers might not be so easy, I would not know.

As far as another name, you may be able to get a teacher to roll with that. Be proactive, and go to the teacher. If you can't do that, write a note or email. Politely and calmly explain that you prefer your name of choice, and give as much or as little reasoning as you wish. If the teacher has any problems with this, do NOT fight them. Do NOT get all mad and lose your cool. Try one more time to politely ask, try a bit more reasoning, and if all else fails, THANK THEM FOR THEIR TIME AND LEAVE WITH NO QUARREL. Talk to a counselor if you really want to be persistent, but losing your dignity and the respect of that teacher will not help you.

Any questions? Shoot! ☺

[HsurNiarb]

(OH please note:
I am not a staff member.
I am gender fluid.
I am long winded. Sorry in advance!)

[HsurNiarb]

High School. It's a whirl of drama and stress, but also filled with fun and self discovery! Things start to get easier here.

Welcome to the age of the LGBTQ+ club environment! If your school does not have a club for students with sexuality or gender differences to recieve help and support... It ain't hard to make one! Find some interested folks, and go to the office and ask how to make a club. These clubs are meant to be SAFE SPACES where everyone is welcome, and should feel comfortable. If your club feels unsafe... Don't be in that club! These clubs may also work to further the LGBTQ+ community by educating the public, working to prevent harassment, and working to represent the community as well as possible.

I know nothing about lockers here. I never, ever, ever so much as looked inside the lockers at my school, let alone learned anything about them. I myself just took class based health and fitness classes... no changing required. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

In my experience, bathrooms are okay to go into if you identify as that gender, but if you aren't sure or don't feel comfy with either one, the nurse's office should have a gender neutral bathroom available for your use. Neat! I pretty much always used this.

Teachers will generally, when asked politely, calmly, and maturely, call you by your preferred name and pronouns. Never fight with a teacher. If you want to press for it, discuss the issue with......

the school counselor! Yup. They still exist, and in my experience, pretty awesome. See Junior High for more details.

I dunno, I just remember it being better than middleschool.

[HsurNiarb]

College. So awesome. Genders of all sorts are pretty darn accepted here.

Bathrooms are generally less scary, but there should be gender neutral bathrooms somewhere. Ask your Student Help Office!

Professors, with a professional, well worded, polite email, will do their best to accomodate you. If they don't, you can complain about them to....

The counselor! Yup. Stillll here. B^]

There are classes on gender and sexuality at some places. Awesome!

Clubs are very common here, and generally very well put together. If it don't feel safe, it ain't your club.

I dunno, I could go on for ages and not cover anything. If you have a question... Ask!

[Heather]

I love all these posts so! Thanks so much for such an in-depth pitching in!

[HsurNiarb]

Absolutely! Anything for my struggling sisters, brothers, and others.