Weaker Orgasms After Sex?

[MsBee]

Did anyone else experience weaker orgasms and libido issues after "losing their virginity" (in quotes because I don't agree with the terminology, but it's the most relatable).

I noticed that my pelvic floor muscles felt very weak and strained during and after ending my first sexual relationship. The sex was uncomfortable at best, but usually painful, especially at the start; I've always had trouble with vaginal penetration and could rarely masturbate comfortably with more than one finger, even after an orgasm, when I feel more relaxed. I never could get off during that relationship, which was a new and disconcerting experience for me since I've never not orgasmed since I learned to as a child. Since then, I've had strange ups and downs as far as my libido is concerned, and my orgasms have just been off. For about a month after, I was pretty "blue-balled;" not genuinely turned on, but seemingly always aroused, to the point of finding sitting uncomfortable. I tried orgasms to relieve the pressure, but found that I couldn't muster up a strong enough orgasm to feel satisfied and relaxed. I went from these lovely fullbody orgasms with strong pelvic and vaginal contractions to these really weak and unsatisfying orgasms that were mostly just in my clitoris. I eventually bought a vibrator to effectively "force" myself to orgasm, and it worked for a little while, but eventually I started having the weak orgasms again. On top of that, getting off without using the vibe became very difficult, so I decided to stop using it. At this point, it can take me as long as 40 minutes to reach an orgasm... I used to think 15 minutes was forever (I don't intentionally time myself, btw...). I used to get turned on fairly easily and just sort of steadily work towards an O, but lately I have trouble getting and staying aroused and the "I'm going to come" feeling fades and then returns repeatedly. I bought a dildo at the same time to explore how my body processes penetration, and I think I made matters worse; it took me several tries before I could use it without the same pain I experienced with my partner, and while I can finally have a pelvic exam with minimal pain or discomfort, can comfortably insert more than one finger inside myself, and could probably actually manage vaginal sex with a partner, I've found that the lack of tension/tone that allows me to do these things has negatively impacted the quality of my orgasms even further. And I don't consider any of those interactions worthwhile enough to trade my "O's" for... I've tried Kegels, Ben Wa balls, with little progress, and have even looked into getting one of those biofeedback pelvic trainers, but they're a bit pricey.

I guess I'm just curious if this is something other people have gone through, and whether it go better on its own or how you solved the problem.

[Sam W]

Hi MsBee,

I want to give you a digital high five for experimenting with solutions to this, and exploring your body in the process. Something I'd ask is that, when you're masturbating, do you feel mentally really aroused? Or do you feel like you're doing a chore of some kind?

[Heather]

Also, just to be clear, vaginal intercourse isn't capable of weakening pelvic floor muscles. So, if you are, in fact, having pelvic floor issues - a good indication of that would be troubles with incontinence - it won't be about this, and is something to check in with a healthcare provider about.

Orgasm and how it feels also is mostly about the central nervous system, not about the genitals or their related structures.

Regardless, since you have had big concerns about this for a while now, I would suggest you check in with a healthcare provider.

[MsBee]

Hi MsBee,

I want to give you a digital high five for experimenting with solutions to this, and exploring your body in the process. Something I'd ask is that, when you're masturbating, do you feel mentally really aroused? Or do you feel like you're doing a chore of some kind?

Thanks :3 It's been frustrating, but also sort of productive, I suppose.

I never feel like masturbating is a chore, but lately it feels more like just fulfilling a maintenance requirement. That's the libido issues, I suppose. I think the best way I could describe it is like being hungry, but having no appetite. More often than not, my body starts giving me "it's time for an orgasm" signs, but my mind doesn't really follow suit. I used to get aroused just thinking sexually, but lately I don't respond as well to sexy thoughts. This time last year, I could get myself in a good frame of mind for an O literally by just thinking "I feel like coming," but more recently I feel like I have to focus much harder on what I'm doing in order to get aroused (and actual foreplay with my hands is quite new to me - I've previously gotten aroused from mental images alone - so needing to focus so hard on that is extra strange) and then I have to conjure up some vivid images to push me out of a plateau phase and into an orgasm (having a plateau phase is also a new development, one which I don't like). Even on the few occasions where I've been really into it mentally, the resulting orgasm was pretty "meh" physically and not satisfying.

Also, just to be clear, vaginal intercourse isn't capable of weakening pelvic floor muscles. So, if you are, in fact, having pelvic floor issues - a good indication of that would be troubles with incontinence - it won't be about this, and is something to check in with a healthcare provider about.

Orgasm and how it feels also is mostly about the central nervous system, not about the genitals or their related structures.

Regardless, since you have had big concerns about this for a while now, I would suggest you check in with a healthcare provider.

Incontinence? Well, I can't always "hold it" very well, but I don't actually wet myself. It's more of a sudden, "I have to pee right now" sensation on occasion. But I can also usually still "hold it" through a lecture, if need be. I assume that's fairly typical, though.

I guess I'm not sure how to explain the lack of tension/tone I'm experiencing, vaginally in particular. Can weirdness with you CNS cause that sort of physical change?

[Heather]

I'm not sure what you mean by "you CNS." Fill me in?

[MsBee]

CNS = central nervous system.

[Heather]

Gotcha. I don't want to talk about "that kind of damage," because we don't know if you have ANY kind of damage to your pelvic floor, or even any problems with it, let alone what kind it is.

So, again, as I will anytime anyone is reporting an ongoing and big concern about their bodies that could be physiological in basis or health-based, I'd suggest you check in with a healthcare provider. That way you can find out if there even is any kind of physical issue or problem here. If there is, then that's who can work with you to manage or treat it, and if there isn't, then you can know to let go of those concerns and that focus and start evaluating what might actually be going on, if anything. Make sense?