So I'm in a relationship that has lasted almost two years. I'm very happy with the dude I'm with, but lately something become more and more of a problem. There have been an (alarmingly) increasing amount of times that I've almost felt more like a masturbation sleeve than a sexual partner, since my BF gets off and then we're done and go do something else. I'm going to have a serious talk to him about this, but I'm reaching out to you for ideas about what I can say and what I can suggest to him, because there's a huge problem wrapped up in all this.
The biggest problem is that my BF doesn't like vaginas. I'm 100 % sure that he's straight (or at the very least mainly attracted to women), but he still finds women's junk completely repulsive. He enjoys PIV sex just fine, but he doesn't want to look at it, taste it, smell it, touch it or in any other way even acknowledge that it's there, and even nods in agreement when gay characters on sitcoms talk about vaginas like they're monstrous aliens. I have no idea why he feels this way. Since I know this probably will be brought up: I don't think there is some trauma involved since he has never had any problems with intimacy of any other kind. For example, he didn't have any trouble with manual stimulation when I was new to PIV-sex and needed a lot of preparation. I've been having thoughts if he might be asexual and just hasn't realized it, but I don't know for sure and I don't know if I should ask. When I've brought up asexuality as a concept before, he's just sort of dismissed it (not as "it doesn't exist", more like "eh, people are weird, I guess"). Just putting that out there.
But back to the subject at hand. All this means that he never ever touches my feel-good place, and the times I've flat out asked him to do so he doesn't refuse, but he makes it very clear that he doesn't find any part of it any fun at all. So I stopped doing that a long time ago since I don't want to force him to do something he clearly doesn't want to do, just like I have never asked him for oral sex since he's been pretty clear from the start that it's not something he's ever going to do. He has agreed to sex toys, but the ones we've tried have either been a) woman focused, which left him unstimulated and bored (and he said he "didn't get the point", which kind of put me off the whole idea anyway), or b) couple vibrators, which just ended up feeling painful for me and weird for him. And, just for the record, I have never reached orgasm from penetration alone and it doesn't seem like I ever will. So what I need help with is this:
What could I possibly suggest that he could do to make the sex better for me?
I want to talk to him about this, but I want some suggestions that I can give him so he won't feel like I'm putting all the pressure to fix this solely on him. I don't want my sex life to be me trying to toss off an orgasm in less than five minutes next to my kind-of-bored BF for the rest of my life, which is what it is right now. What is there I can suggest to him that doesn't involve hand-to-vagina contact, mouth-to-vagina contact or sex toys? I just can't think of anything right now, probably because I'm wrapped up in all the feelings about this, so I'm reaching out to you for some ideas about what we could try together.
Is there anything else to try? Does anyone have any ideas? Is there any way I can salvage this, or am I doomed to grow more and more frustrated and resentful until I end up breaking this off over this? I really don't want to break up with the greatest dude I've ever met just because of this.
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif)