Question

[Dolly68]

Hi, I have a question regarding my bc pills. Tonight I put down my bag and did not realized the carpet has just been cleaned and it was wet. My bag is a thin faux leather bag. My pills are in my bag. The floor was not drenched with water but it was definitely wet. Do you think this may have caused them to be ineffective? How do I know if they are damaged from getting wet?

[Heather]

Dolly: you have so many posts worrying about your pills, often worrying about things that just aren't anything to worry about. Your pills are packaged in blister packs like they are to protect them. Something damp under a bag that your pills are in is not going to get your pack wet at all, let alone soak through all that packaging.

Can I check in with you about why you think you are so chronically worried about your pill? Are you backing them up with another reliable method like condoms?

[Dolly68]

So basically I don't know why I am. No I am not and I think I need to be. My bf keeps convincing me it's unnecessary but maybe I need to do what's good for me.

[Heather]

If your boyfriend is talking you out of protection from pregnancy you, as the person in this who is at any risk of it, wants or needs, then honestly, it's time to get away from him or stop being sexual with him. That is just never okay, especially when it's not for someone not at risk of something themselves to tell someone who is what isn't necessary for them.

Are there any other ways in which he won't accept or respect your limits and boundaries?

[Dolly68]

Sorry I didn't realize I had a response. Yes there are some ways like not listening to my Needa and diminishing my fears and making them sound foolish. He's also very into himself and his needs. I took your advice though and have been doing much better. I have another question for you. I'm on the pill continuously without taking placebo's. I have permission from my doctor. Recently I started staining and I think I need to break for a period. I just have a question regarding the staining. I waited a couple of days to see if it keeps continuing or it's just a fluke. That's because it has happened to me in the past and it just went away two days later. Now it has not gone away and I will go onto my placebos to get a period. I would like to know if I was staining for 5/6 days do you think I increased my chances of ovulating early? Do you think my body is having a full period when on the active pill? I'm a little nervous that if I kept taking the pills my body may have ignored them? Is it possible to get a period when on the pill or is it just staining? I don't want to get pregnant obviously... Am I protected if I took the active pills even while staining?

[Sam W]

Hi Dolly,

The not listening to your needs is also not cool behavior on his part. Have you and he talked at all about how not okay what he's doing is (especially around the protection stuff)? Because I am with Heather that this is someone to stop being sexual with, if not stop being with entirely, because that lack of respect is not a sign of a good partner.

[Dolly68]

Yes, I agree with you. It comes across my mind all the time. I want to move on and dump him but then I have a guilty conscious because I know I worry a lot so I wonder if I'm the issue. Either way he shouldn't be doing what he's doing anyway...I have to think about that. Also, about my other question I asked before. Am I protected against pregnancy even while staining on the active pills?

[Redskies]

If you're feeling like the relationship isn't right for you, it doesn't really matter whose issue is behind it: what's important is it not feeling right for you. (Although I do agree that any partner who's not listening to your needs, especially needs around pregnancy prevention, is really not behaving like a good or respectful partner.)

I think many people feel guilty if and when we're considering a break-up. Again, though, that in itself doesn't mean a break-up would be the wrong thing to do; feelings around break-ups tend to be hard and complex even when it's the right or the best decision. Too, there's a possibility here that if he's shown a pattern of not listening to or respecting your needs around pregnancy prevention, that may be one reason why you worry as much as you do. At the very least, the two of you aren't sounding at all compatible on this issue, and it's very possible that his behaviour is causing you to worry more. So, I don't see you worrying a lot as a reason to maybe stay in this relationship; I think it's another reason to consider whether breaking up might be the right move.

When you're taking the pill, you're not going to get a period, because the body's own hormonal cycle is altered. Instead, people get a withdrawal bleed in the placebo week. Because you take the pill continuously, it's almost a given that you'll get some breakthrough bleeding occasionally. Breakthrough bleeding doesn't impact your pill's effectiveness, and it doesn't say anything about its effectiveness. Breakthrough bleeding is your body's need to shed a little uterine lining, and because it hasn't had an obvious opportunity to do that during a placebo week, it's just going ahead and shedding it. Your body can't "ignore" pills: the hormones that you take will impact your body. It doesn't get to choose - that's just not how hormones work . As long as you're taking your pill correctly - not cutting short your active pills, not missing pills, not taking too long placebo breaks - you can expect your pill to be effective.

[Dolly68]

Hi, I gueS I kind of agree with you..it doesn't really matter if I am fearful or not it's not the point. I have been giving some thought into that. However do you beleive when someone is not confident about a relationship they get more fearful? Like I start getting scared that irregular things are affecting my pill. Like if my bag is on the seat of the car and the window is open and cold wind blows on my bag...that maybe the cold temperature or wind is altering the medicine. I know a lot of my fears are not realistic. Am I right? I'm just wondering if U think it can be a sign that Im not secure in my relationship?

[Redskies]

Sometimes, feeling insecure in a relationship can manifest in being more worried generally or having specific worries, yes. What's even more common is feeling worried or insecure as a result of the kinds of behaviours you described in your boyfriend. What we're picking up on here is these things you said: "My bf keeps convincing me it's unnecessary" and "not listening to my Needa and diminishing my fears and making them sound foolish". Most uterus-having people feel insecure and worried when a sexual partner behaves like that about pregnancy-prevention, and for good reason: that behaviour isn't safe or secure. Quite a few people come to the boards here worried about pregnancy (you probably know ), and a partner's lack of support or even pressuring around contraceptive needs is a reason that comes up fairly frequently.

Just because of how human minds work, often, worry or anxiety about a partner's non-support shows itself wearing different clothes. It's more likely to express itself in thoughts like "I'm so afraid of getting pregnant" or "is my pill Really ok" than it is to wear its own clothes "I'm worried and anxious by my partner being dismissive/non-supportive/pressuring". Too, when something's really important to us - like pregnancy prevention, for example - the one thing that's guaranteed to make us more tense is someone telling us it's not that important after all!

Do you have worries that you struggle with, or unrealistic worries, about things other than pregnancy and your pill?

[Dolly68]

I didn't realiZe I forgot to answer this reply. I do have some other worries but not extreme ones. This worry has taken over my mind recently more than things have ever done before. I think it really resonated when you said that relationship worries often take on other clothes because that's really how I feel. Many times it's unrealistic pill worries when in reality I'm nervous about the relationship. Like for example, tonight my boyfriend used his flashlight in the room to look for something because the room was dark and the first thing that came to mind was that it will affect my bc pills In the drawer. That I will now get pregnant Kuz maybe they were affected because its a strong light and I didn't even start my active pills because Im on the placebo pills so I am in big trouble. (Not possible right?) Realistically, I know from talking to you guys that it makes absolutely no sense at all and that if it was a real worry it would say it in my pill packet instructions. Somehow I think the relationship isn't putting me at ease. I want it too though. I like the guy and want it to work. Is there any advice you can give me in the situation where I want it to work? What can I do to help myself? What can I do to focus on the actual issue and not the unrealistic worries that keep coming? Also on a side note, one of my placebo pills have foil that is ripped in my pack. Should I take that one or rather replace it with a placebo pill from my backup pack?

[Redskies]

Would you like to talk more about the relationship? What do you feel nervous about with your relationship?

If you're having unrealistic worries that you know are unrealistic, and they're not going away even when you tell yourself they're unrealistic, that suggests that anxiety might be part of the picture here for you. Anxiety is a mental health difficulty, and like any other health problem, it's best to get some trained, expert help for improving and managing it. As part of helping yourself, we'd suggest going to your usual doctor and telling them about the difficulties you've been having with unrealistic worries, and asking to be assessed for anxiety or for a referral to someone who can do that assessment. Is that something you feel able to do?

Heather set a limit with you on questions about your pill, so I'm holding that limit and asking you to hold it, too.