How to handle questions about my boyfriend

[thinkmcflythink]

Hey there Scarleteen! Sorry it's been awhile! I missed you guys & hoped you could help me out with a few things.
I've been dating someone for a few months now, who I met while I have been away at school.

Everything has been going great. I've met his parents, friends and I get along with everyone. He just turned 22 and I am 20, due to financial reasons I still live in a dorm room during the school year and haven't yet moved out. He lives in a house with his friend and his girlfriend.

Recently, I've been staying the night over there with him on the weekends. It's gone better than expected. There was no pressuring anyone to do anything they didn't want to, we've finally gotten used to sleeping the whole night with one another after a few times (yay!) I only stay one night and go home the next day sometime.

Anyway, I'm going home soon for Thanksgiving break to be with my family. My mom knows he exists, but hasn't met him in person yet. I was mostly just wondering how I approach the subject of me staying over there if I get asked? I know things like that are hard for some parents to understand, because you're still their child and everything.

If you could give me some suggestions of how to respond and if I should even tell them, that would be much appreciated! You guys rock!

[Sam W]

Hi thinkmcfly,

Good to see you back

Ah yes, the dance of trying not to lie but also trying not to make the person you're talking to uncomfortable. A staple of family gatherings. I will say that I think the odds of this coming up might be pretty low, since often parents decide not to ask questions about this sort of thing because they're not sure they want to know the answer (caveat: you know your mom better than I do, and maybe that would not be a consideration of her's). If it does come up, one thing I know some people do is a harmless redirect. So, "yeah, I've spent the night at his place a few times. Man he snores/has weird pillows/an adorable cat that likes to cuddle in the bed." Many people will pick up on the signal of you redirecting, and may take the opportunity to start complaining about their own sleeping conditions. But, that approach will only work if you think they'd take the redirect and wouldn't be upset at the idea of you two sharing a bed.

You can also go a more direct route is asked and say "that's personal/I'm not comfortable with that kind of question" followed by a change of subject.