Frustrated with the single life

[Bourdie]

Hey guys!

So let me get right to it. I'm 21, I'm a med student and I'm still single. Many people in my class are married, in a stable relationship or something similar. I feel myself becoming very angry and bitter at the whole situtation because I feel like something is the matter with me. I'm so tired of waiting! Some days are better than others but I'm more unhappy about it than not.

Like, I'm not sexually experienced either. The most I've done is hold my crush's hand. I haven't even kissed anybody. It's frustrating when my friends keep telling to wait and that my time will come and blah blah but it's annoying.

I feel so ready to find somebody to love and commit to and just settle. I also want a sexual relationship. Given, I don't feel entirely ready to go all the way yet but I at least want somebody I can be comfortable being intimate with. I feel like I'm missing out:( I just don't understand why no guys find me attractive. As a medical student I feel like my life is running away from me because all my friends are done studying and in love.

Some words of wisdom for me?

[Sam W]

Hi Bourdie,

So, it might sound cliche, but there is no timeline when it comes to romantic relationships or sexual experiences. Every person is going to have a different path, and that path is going to be influenced by all sorts of factors, like location, or how they choose to or are able to spend their time. I also think it can help to be wary of our own confirmation biases. It might feel like everyone is way ahead of you in the relationship game, and maybe within your friend circle most people are paired off, but I promise you that there are plenty of 21 year olds (and 25 year olds, and 35 year olds, etc) who are in the exact same boat as you. And I would also caution against measuring your success in life by whether or not you've found a romantic partner. That's one of those things that can definitely be easier said than done, but if you're not doing so already, when you start to feel down about your situation, remind yourself of all the cool things you have accomplished (like getting into med school).

Now, since it sounds like you'd like to change this situation, there are a few things you can do. The first is to take a look at your social schedule and see if there are any tweaks you can make there. For example, are you in clubs or participating in activities that you enjoy? If not, maybe find one thing to try. This may not result in automatically meeting a partner, but the potential is there, and you'll give yourself the chance to meet cool new people.

[Bourdie]

Thank you for responding

I definitely have been making an effort to get out more the past few months and I sing in the university choir as a way to just get away from medicine and meet new people. I met somebody I liked at choir but it was a one-sided thing (I've never had those kinda feelings reciprocated before) so that kinda broke my spirit. I'm also overweight but I guess I try to compensate with my personality which can be quite big at times.

[Sam W]

You're welcome

I would say keep trying out new things and meeting new people. I would also say that, as far as your size goes, it can help to stop thinking of it as an impediment to meeting people. In spite of a lot of popular messages and conceptions of what's attractive, there will always be someone who finds your specific body attractive (plus, we tend to be attracted to people based on a combo of personality and body, so your big personality is a plus). So try not to fall into a pattern of thinking you won't meet a guy because of your size (again, this can be tricky, but definitely a mind-set worth practicing).

[Bourdie]

Thanks so much Sam, this was very helpful!:)

[DulceDiva]

I feel you I'm a junior in hs never even held hands.

[Eggnog Dog]

I'm 20 and while I've had a few relationships, I actually haven't kissed or anything either ... mainly because my two major ones were conducted online, but it's still frustrating, so I feel that and you're definitely not alone. Sometimes partners can come from unexpected places. If you meet up with and start talking to people with similar hobbies or something, you never know who you might find! Don't feel pressured by your age or appearance, there's plenty of time and you never know what will happen next, it's all good