Squigly To The Max

[SeaOfHazel]

Hallo, I have honestly never been more confused in my life and that is saying something since I am 17-almost 18- and getting ready to head off to college. I have come across many terms such as "Bisexual, lesbian, homosexual, heteroflexible...etc." But I haven't exactly identified as one, have probably put to much thought into, yet I still find myself trying to find something that fits me, trying to find someone else that can identify with my position. You see, I currently identify as heteroflexible which in the lamest terms possible means "I'm straight, but shit happens". The thing is I don't see this as something fitting of what I am. I don't necessarily know if what I am terms as Bisexual either. I am attracted to men both physically and emotionally, but I am also attracted to women in a sexual manner; nothing to do with the emotions. Yet, I don't know if it is because I haven't simply met a girl with the emotional affliction or, for lack of a better description, the least problematic/ depressing/ clingy attitude... I hate how this makes me sound because it is different between the emotions with men and women although I find both attractive. I just want a name, perhaps someone else who gets where I am coming from, makes me feel like less of an emotional nutcase like when I try to describe myself to my friends... SOS?

[Eddie C]

Hello there, SeaOfHAzel. Welcome to Scarleteen!

I'm on my way out for the day but I wanted to let you know that someone saw your post and that as soon as someone with more experience than me comes, they will reply more in depth to your question.

But, what I do want to say is that, sexuality is very fluid and so orientation and identity can be. I have to say that I disagree with you when you say that heteroflexible is the lamest term. IMO, it just describes where you are at now but it is not set in stone. It is okay to not know, it is okay to question and it is okay to change if the term doesn't fit anymore. I know how important identity can be but is good to keep in mind that there is not lame, or bad, or not good enough term to describe a person.

Also, if it helps, you do not need to use just one word/term. People are so complex that I find it very hard to believe that just one word can describe them. Even if we do not talk about sexuality, it is really hard to do. For example, I am not a morning person, you know? I hate getting up early, but sometimes I really enjoy a cup of coffee when the sun is not out yet. And mostly I do not like sweet foods but there are times when I just crave a piece of cake... do you catch my drift?

Attraction can be very tricky.

I'm going to leave this article that might be useful in the meantime that someone else pitches in here, okay? http://m.scarleteen.com/article/gender/ ... r_everyone

Hope it helps a little.

[SeaOfHazel]

Hi hi ^^
Thank you very much for replying, and thank you for the article; although I am not sure how it was in reference to this circumstance it helped me with a couple other things that were useful. ^^ I think you misunderstood what I meant when I said: 'I currently identify as heteroflexible which in the lamest terms possible means "I'm straight, but shit happens".' I wasn't meaning to say that being heteroflexible is lame or anything like that I was saying that the way it is described is fairly lame because it just seems so... so... bleh. Sorry if it seemed as though I was undermining something, I didn't mean it to be phrased that way.

I think I understand more when you phrased about how it is like you are not a morning person, and do not like sweet foods; it gave me a bit of a different perspective on it. As for not having one term, I get what you are saying; how there is more than just one way to describe something because people are different and more complex then a word can allow... Why is there such a pressure for people to be one thing though? Even in some of my social circles I have a few LGBT friends and I don't know if I am just hanging out with the wrong people or what because they say that since I am attracted to girls still I am bisexual but then I am not emotionally attracted to girls which I thought made me heteroflexible. But apparently since I have never actually done anything with a girl I wouldn't know... I don't think it works that way though... Maybe I am just overthinking this a lot, that it is way simpler than it sounds in my head; trying to solve a problem that isn't there...
Thank you for replying,
SeaOfHazel

[Karyn]

I'm not sure which article Edith had in mind when she responded to your question, but there are a couple I think might be useful here:
Q is for Questioning
The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone

I know you don't identify as bisexual, but parts of this article could be helpful too: Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz

Sexuality is a very complex thing, something that can be tough to sum up in just a word or two, and in a sense, any term you choose is always going to be sort of a shorthand just because there is no way that any one term can totally capture everything you experience your sexuality to be. Not everyone who identifies as straight experiences that the same way or defines that term exactly the same way, and the same goes with gay or queer or heteroflexible or any other word someone might use to talk about their sexuality: it's just that those terms let someone else say, "oh yeah, gay, I have a general idea what that means" (which can save time, for one thing). For sure, some people might happen upon a term that they feel describes them completely accurately, but for plenty of others, that's not the case. ("Questioning" or "unsure" or "ask me next Thursday" is a perfectly valid choice, too; we have a staff member here who currently describes her orientation as "questioning/some kind of queer", and that's just as legitimate as any other way to describe sexuality.)

As for why there's such pressure to pick a word to describe your sexuality, there are a lot of potential reasons. In some cases, finding the term that fits can be part of finding a community of people who identify the same way; sometimes it's just that people have a tough time with uncertainty! Regardless of that pressure, though, know that there is no deadline for this, you don't have to rush, and whatever you end up identifying as, it's not set in stone.

[Eddie C]

I'm so sorry, SeaOfHazel! I have no idea of how that article got there. I edit my post and put the right article, which Karyn already gave to you also. I think you are hoing to find it very useful.

Again, sorry for the misunderstanding.

[SeaOfHazel]

Sorry it took this long to reply but I have read what has been posted and the articles you gave me and they actually helped me a bit. I've been thinking about things the last couple days and decided that there is no need to really rush on the way I identify and if it isn't something that is set in stone (I didn't know that this was possible, I thought that once you figured out what you were then you would just know, but in retrospective that doesn't make sense because people are changing all the time emotionally and physically) So worrying so much about it isn't really smart when you can just kind of figure it out as you go. Thank you for clearing things up a bit for me. I have decided that, for now, I am going to continue identifying as heteroflexible; even if it is by my own definition. I'm still squiggly, but a little less maximum thought going into it, so thanks. ^^