I have several important questions... mostly about a friend

[_Adrian_]

I am a 13 year old male and my friend is a 13 year old girl. We have known each other since camp for half a year and we trust eachother very much. Lately, we have been talking online together, as she lives a few hours away from me, nothing physically inappropriate going on. Then yesterday, we started talking about sex. She didn't know what masturbation, sex, or even a clitoris was, so I walked her through it and thoroughly explained every question she had. By the end, she wanted to masturbate, so I walked her through it to help her not worry or feel pain, and she didn't. I told her about how females orgasm, and the likes, and helped make her wet as to make it less painful.She could only take one of her fingers. She tried for several minutes, but was disappointed when she didn't orgasm. Is it normal for her to feel pleasure from it, yet not reach orgasm? This could affect our sex life in the future, so I need a truthful answer. She said she was exhausted, so we decided to just chat. We were talking and we got onto the subject of next summer for camp, where we talked about the dance. I told her how I liked her more than a friend, and asked her if she would go to next summer's dance with me. She gladly accepted and both of us were happy. We talked about how she could wear my warmest, softest jacket (the campsite gets cold), how we would gladly make love to each other if we could. Is it normal for us to love each other this much at this young of age? We asked other questions to each other but they were innocent. Then, she asked about my penis size, so I told her. I am 5 inches long, and I think 2 inches in diameter. I was embarrassed, as I don't know what the normal size is. Can someone tell me please? Another question I have is(we didn't send pics) she asked me to masturbate and tell her about it. I only lasted 1 minute and 38 seconds. Is this bad, average, or good? My last question is this. We said at camp we would contain ourselves and just kiss, but we both said if the opportunity arose to where we could have sex soon, we would. Is this a normal feeling for us to have? Thank you Scarleteen, for answering other user's questions. Now may I please have mine answered with the same insightful answers you have given others, at the most convenient moment? Thank you for your time.

[Ashleah]

Hi MMO_Lover,

Welcome to the boards! A lot of the questions you have seem to focus on "is this normal?" When it comes to feelings, relationships, sex, and the body more often than not the answer is normal looks different depending on the person. Sure when it comes to bodies there might be some averages, but the reality is, a lot of times we aren't in a position to change those things or don't even need to in order to achieve what it is we really want. As far as sex and relationships it really is going to vary! It depends on so many factors.

Same goes for your friend. Experiencing pleasure without an orgasm is typical. There is not an exact formula for making an orgasm or pleasure happen. Nor should orgasm necessarily be the goal! When the focus becomes making a body respond in a certain way (in this case have an orgasm) it can distract from the experience and the actually enjoyment & pleasure she said she was experiencing. Make sense? And again, depends on the person and what/how they are experiencing something. Just because we and you know what happens to the body when a female orgasms, doesn't give the full picture. So I would encourage you not to tell her what is normal or should be happening, because that will depend on her and is something she should explore for herself.

Keeping in mind that our experiences are our own, and could never be exactly the same as everyone else's might be helpful. How you all feel about each other is fine! Most of things you get to decide for yourself. It being "normal" likely won't change that you both have feelings for one another or the relationship you have. What you could do is work on building a relationship, whatever that will look like, that is great for both of you all! Here are a couple articles to check out if that interest you. The focus is on healthy relationships, including one's that involve sex:

Ready or Not?
How to Build, Board, & Navigate a Healthy Relationship

There are a lot of great articles on the main site to address some of your questions. Here are links to a few:

Innies & Outies: The Penis, Testes, or More
A Penis Shape & Size Lowdown
Sexual Response & Orgasm Guide

After you check out the links, please come back if you would like to discuss any of this more!

[_Adrian_]

She moved and we broke up. Eh, f*ck 'em.

[Sam W]

Hi Adrian,

Ouch, break ups are seldom fun. If you need it, we have this guide for what to do post-breakup: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking
(or, if you have aspects of it you want to discuss here, that's an option too)