Wanting to have sex with my stepmom even though im 13

[Shawnfire34]

Ok so here's the deal, in my room i have a door into the bathroom. Every time my stepmom goes to take a shower I make every excuss to go into my room and watch her take a shower. Then after I see her naked I have fantasies about having sex with her . I try and watch porn so I can stop being horny but it doesn't go away. What should I do? Please help.

[Heather]

So, what you'll want to try and do is learn to have and respect healthy boundaries.

You can probably appreciate that you wouldn't want just anyone watching you in the shower -- especially, I'd guess, at least some of your family members -- and that when you think you're alone, you'd want to actually be alone, not unknowingly have some creeper peeping on you. Thinking we are alone and have privacy when someone is spying on us instead is actually a very scary and unsettling situation, and one that, when discovered -- as it often will be in time -- can leave a person not feeling safe in their own skin or home again to some degree. I'm sure that's not how you want someone you care about or who cares about you to feel in their home and their world.

We can be curious, or even have sexual feelings about someone but still only act in ways that are respectful of that person's privacy, their own wants, and healthy boundaries. Sexual curiosity or feelings can't make us behave in certain ways: our behaviours are a choice. Your body can't move itself to do this: it can only do this if you ask it to and move it. So, you just want to start making different choices, leading with care and respect -- which would certainly include allowing her to have basic privacy, like by not being watched in the shower -- regardless of your curiosity.

In the event that your home or family hasn't been a place where you have felt you have learned how to have healthy boundaries, that's something you'll want to ask for help for, either from your family, from someone like a qualified counselor, or both.