The Awkwardness of the First Kiss

[Sam W]

I'm working on a piece now and realizing that we, culturally speaking, have this idea that our first kiss is supposed to be this perfect moment. When, in reality, it's probably going to be super awkward and fumbly. So I thought I'd make a space for people to share what happened with their first kiss so that we can see how those moments tend to go in real life.

For me, I will say no more than the guy I kissed was way too into using his tongue (the guy after him had the politeness to ask, which was a major improvement).

[Volleygirl22]

My first kiss was with the guy I'm dating now, but it happened a few years ago. It was on New Years. Earlier that year, he had said that if neither one of us has a date for New Years, we'd kiss at midnight. The year went on, and then New Years came. I started getting nervous because he had had a girlfriend before, and I have never been in a relationship. We kissed at midnight, and it was amazing. After, he asked me if it was my first, I told him yes and asked if it was bad or something. He said no way, and kissed me again, and it was a lot more intense (for lack of a better word) than the first one.

[bigbywolf]

i hope my first kiss isn't a bit of a downer! I was at a party with a boy I knew had a crush on me, and it was the first time I ever got very drunk. Drunk enough that some parts of the night I can't remember - eg, how the kiss started. I do remember realizing that this boys face was on my face and thinking "Huh. This is slimier than I thought it would be."

The next day he supposedly couldn't remember what we'd done or how far we'd gone - I still have the suspicion that he was just trying to gauge what I remembered. Anyway, he came to my house and we kissed some more. He very subtly gave me some pointers as I was kissing with A LOT more force than necessary. My chin got irritated from his stubble.

[Heather]

I also think this is one of those things where, the more time has passed, the more romanticized a person's memory tends to become, if they have any real memory of the event at all! For instance, I can remember WHO my first kiss was with, and where, but how it went? I have no freaking idea whatsoever: that was around 35 years ago!

[Redskies]

My first kiss story sounds like the perfect romantic dream story you're "supposed" to imagine, and then it really, really isn't.

With someone I'd known and been friends with for a while, someone who'd always been nice to me, someone who I knew really liked me. In private, in a field, in the dark with dim lighting, at a party, sober. First kiss for both of us, great kiss. They asked me out straight after, we had a long relationship, many more "firsts" together. I think it sounds like a story that many people would write as the "perfect" story? But that person assaulted me multiple times during our relationship, starting a couple of weeks after we got together. I don't ever talk about the "first kiss" (apart from just now, apparently) because, I dunno, it feels like the cultural spaces we make for it don't include space for even a vague honest answer of "actual kiss great, context exceptionally awful, resulting overall feeling very painful". I think our standard cultural narratives hang a lot on the Perfect First Kiss, treat it like it's a definite answer to any previous question of "is this a great romance?" Clearly, it can be an indicator of diddly squat.

There are other "first kisses" that mean something to me. I think generally, all different kinds of firsts can be important and meaningful, not just the first one ever, and in reality often mean more than that first one ever.

The first person I ever kissed who wasn't Assaulty Jerk: in a club packed with people, it was fun and exciting, and it was also great purely for the reason that it was somebody other than Assaulty Jerk. Didn't see them again, didn't mind.

I bailed on what would've been the first kiss with now-partner. I'm pretty sure that's not in the usual good-story scripts! I really wanted to be with them and the whole thing was really important to me, and then there was this moment where an us-relationship that I'd literally been daydreaming about started unfolding right there in real life, and I was completely overwhelmed and moved out of the nearly-kiss. Neither of us minded, and instead we sat next to one another looking across the water (yes, it was a "romantic" setting where I bailed!) and talking, and it was the Best Night. The one I remember as the First Kiss was a not-kiss - totally not what we usually get described to us as "perfect"! - and it was as perfect as I can imagine.

[Mo]

Like Heather, I remember who I kissed first but not many details of the kiss itself. He wasn't a particularly good partner overall, but I don't remember if he was a good kisser or not!

As someone who really loves kissing I've learned that different people kiss so differently that, in a lot of ways, every first kiss with a new person feels a bit like starting over again. And for me that's pretty fun, and it cuts down a bit on any first-kiss nerves I have; I figure we're both learning as we go, no matter how many smooch-partners we've had before.

[xxbakerxx]

my first kiss with this guy I like was horrible. as we were leaning into each other he moved his head to fast and his teeth ended up hitting mine.. worst thing ever

[Johanna]

My first kiss had all the trappings of a great, romantic moment and I remember being very proud of that at the time, but I was much more into the idea of having a first kiss, than the kiss itself. We were away at summer camp, he asked me to go outside with him during an evening event, we kissed standing beside a stream in the moonlight. To my 12-year-old self, it was a very big deal that my friends were impressed with my story, but over the years I have learned that what really matters is the chemistry between me and the kissee and the feel of the actual kiss itself, and not whether this is happening in a RomCom-worthy way.