Afraid of failure/disappointing my partner

[radiantsolace]

So I'm kinda in a transitional period of time right now, I'm in my second year of university which is going to be over by tomorrow night as I'll be done with my last exam. And I'm going to be going home for the next four months to spend the summer in my hometown. During the school year, my boyfriend and I are long distance, and during the summer we're both in the same town and so we see each other much more frequently (We've been together almost 2 years and had been platonic friends before then for context). He thinks it would be fun to try working out together when we're back in the same place, and is hoping to run about 3x per week.

To say the least, I've been super inactive since exams started and have never really given running a try. But my hang-up is that I'm kinda worried I'm going to dislike it and he'll be disappointed that it's something we don't get to do together. And I understand he would probably be fine and that it's healthy to have separate hobbies and alone time, but to be honest we don't share a whole lot of common hobbies that we do together, no real 'projects' like running could be at least.

So I realize this is kind of a silly fear to have before actually giving it a go and trying it out, but I just feel bad about having to tap out. He's been running for the past few months, and while I've been pretty inactive in the school year, I am going to be working a summer job that requires me being on my feet for 10 hours a day. And I know bodies can get pretty sore for the first little while you decide to start working out, and I don't want to be in pain when I'm spending 10 hours standing around and interacting with the public the day after a run.

Should I try to come up with a system for how to communicate when I'm willing to try it out, and express that I don't want him to feel like I'm disinterested just because I'm concerned about being sore affecting my summer job? Making a post about this might be a little over the top given how minor it is, but we have a pretty rock solid relationship and so I don't have any major concerns aside from smaller problems like this. I'm also new to the forums and I'm not really sure how 'big' an issue has to be to warrant discussion here. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated.

[Ashleah]

Hey radiantsolace,

Welcome to the boards. It sounds like you are very considerate of your partner and want to continue to find ways to keep your relationship solid, I don't think that is silly at all. In regards to your question, I think you can share your concerns with him now. Both about the physical toll running might have and your fear that he might be disappointed. But is there a reason you feel like you all have to run together? Could you all do another activity? This could be a great opportunity for you all to try something new and/or just spend some quality time together. If you decide to have this conversation, it could be a opportunity to brain storm what together time could look like. Does that sound like it would work?

[radiantsolace]

Hi ashleah, thank you for the quick reply!

I don't have any other motives for running other than just getting to spend time doing something together and I think it would be good for me to establish more of a routine in terms of physical activity. In terms of 'body image related motives' I don't really have anything about my body I'm looking to change, although I know my boyfriend is hoping he will lose a bit of weight himself. I have suggested that we try yoga or mix in some other kinds of exercise too, which he was pretty receptive too as an additional activity. I do think it would be a good jumping off point to see if there are any other hobbies we might like to do together just in general like you said. That sounds like it would work for sure. Thanks for the support, I'll be sure to take your insight into the conversation tomorrow!

[Sam W]

Hi Radiantsolace, hope you don't mind my chiming in

I think doing what you can to make it a mix of activities is a good idea! That gives you both a chance to try out things and find some activities that you both enjoy and that you can do together (there's also a little bit of data to suggest that having new experiences as a couple can help you two bond). I hope the conversation with him goes well!