When people don't get you.

[Jacob]

Hey,

So this is just a question about how you react when someone just doesn't get you and your sexuality. It could be any aspect of your sexuality but that other person just can not seem to understand.

I've had people pat me on the back and call me a player because I've had more than one partner at a time. Whereas for me it's just been a consensual thing between people I care about, not people I'm 'playing'.

The options seem to be:

• Don't engage in the conversation
• Try to explain yourself

It feels most of the time, that I'm either not getting anywhere trying to explain (or making it worse)... or feeling like I'm letting myself or others down, by letting their understanding go unchallenged.

My question is how do you decide?

[Sunshine]

I usually don't bother any more. It used to drive me up the wall when people didn't understand me or obviously had totally inaccurate ideas about me and in a way it still does, but I've found it takes up too much of my energy to try and explain myself and the result is often disappointing.

For example, because I have been in my present relationship for a very long time and we are monogamous, people often assume that I have very conservative ideas about sex and relationships, that I am prude and that I will judge anybody who makes different choices from mine, which is complete and utter nonsense. It's also often assumed that I am religious, whereas I am not even baptized (and this is uncommon for where I live).

And don't even get me started on the fact that I am not actually straight. I often feel awkward when other women try to engage me in a conversation about attractive guys, because the fact that a person is male doesn't really do much for me. I can get turned on by individuals regardless of gender and I am very happy in my relationship with a man, but in general, I am more attracted to female bodies (and I've noticed that the older I get, the stronger this preference becomes). But rather than try and explain, I usually either just smile and try and let the other person do the talking, or I simply say "not really my type".

If someone really wants to get to know me and asks direct questions, I answer truthfully. But if they don't, I tend to just let it slide and remind myself that I know who I am and that's got to be enough sometimes.