Is it bad what I did?

[jackojacko2000]

Hi, first off I have nothing sexual towards any of my family. I just this once put on my sisters dressing gown and masturbated in it. I didn't think of her, it was just something about the material and the taboo of it that wanted to make me try it. But once I came in it I felt like I did something horrible. I know I won't do it again, but is it a bad thing that I did it?

P.S I cleaned up very well afterwards.

[Sam W]

Hi Jackojacko,

So, masturbating itself is not bad or wrong. However, using someone elses belongings (without their permission) for masturbation purposes is not okay, because it does not give them the chance to consent to you using their stuff. Does that make sense?

[jackojacko2000]

I understand that it was bad, I guess what I meant was am I a bad/disgusting person? I totally regret it...

[Ashleah]

Hi Jackojacko,

I think it is important to pay attention to how this made you feel. From what you are saying here, it sounds like it made you feel pretty bad or "yucky" (for lack of a better word).It's possible that crossing that boundary has made you uncomfortable and that's definitely not how you want to feel when it comes to any aspect of your sexuality.

But can you tell me which part made you feel bad? You have already said this is something you regret and that you know it's not okay to use someone's things without consent, but I wasn't sure if you are uncomfortable with the actual desire.

In general, exploring fantasies/desires through masturbation is not a bad thing and certainly wouldn't make someone disgusting. But, as Sam said, it is important that when you involve others or their things that this is something that they can consent to. Having fantasies are fine as long as they are not interfering with the way you view and interact in reality.

[jackojacko2000]

Well, when I finished I felt bad because I did something in reality. I actually used someones stuff without their consent which I know is bad. In the moment I didn't think of that, I didn't realize it until I finished. I guess I need to control myself more.

[Carmen]

Hi jackojacko2000,

Have there been any instances you have felt this way before or had a similar feeling?

[Jacob]

Hi Jacko,

It sounds like that self control around boundaries and consent will definitely make things easier for you! It is good that you recognise that.

As ashleigh said, there's nothing wrong with fantasies, or enjoying dressing-up. It may just be a case of buying your own stuff to dress-up in, to be respectful of others.

[jackojacko2000]

I haven't really had a similar feeling like this before, at least not to the extent that I felt it in this instance. I think what I am confused about is that I don't want to dress up again, it would make kinda make sense if that was want I wanted to do but I don't. Maybe I'm just experimenting? I don't know that's all.

[Carmen]

It sounds like experimenting might be what you are doing which is a super important and informative thing to do Experimenting is an awesome thing and, as it seems you know, lets people figure out what they do and do not like. Experiment away! - as long as you are not bringing other people or their things unconsensually along in the process, but I know you know that

[jackojacko2000]

Thanks guys, you really helped me a lot.