Involvement of Parents in a Teen's Relationship

[capablehippie]

I have a very close relationship with my mom, and we get along really well. We don't agree on what is okay for me to be doing with my boyfriend though. If I lie to her/break her rules, most of the time I will feel pretty guilty. I was just wondering if/how many other teenagers have this dilemma, and what they choose to do.

[Carmen]

Hi capablehippie,

Growing up I was (and still am) super close to my mom as well. I usually told her most of everything and it felt strange and hard to navigate what to tell her once I got into a relationship for the first time and started doing things that I didn't want to share with her any more or just felt plain awkward to talk about. I think it is totally natural to start diverging away from parents, especially when it comes to relationships and sexuality (as parents often seem to be rather uncomfortable and weird around that topic when its regarding their own kids).
If you are doing things with your boyfriend that you feel super comfortable, excited and ready for, that is awesome! - and ideally your mom would understand that if you do decide to communicate that with her (but alas we do not live in that kind of ideal world!). And if you decide you don't want to tell your mom everything you are doing, that is totally okay too!
What exactly about your mom, or her actions, is making you feel guilty about the things you are doing with your boyfriend? And have you tried communicating anything about this with her before?

[capablehippie]

Do you feel like it damaged your relationship to branch off from your mom? What did you do if she asked you about what you did?
I have talked to her about it, and she doesn't want me to do anything else than I have. That's fine, we're waiting for now at least. I think she worries about me getting pregnant, even though I've never had any kind of sex. I know she means later, she's not really being irrational.
I just feel guilty for lying or sneaking. I haven't lied or snuck (too much...) lately, so I don't feel bad about it right now or anything. If I did do something she told me not to I would feel guilty keeping it from her, so I would probably tell her eventually. I was just wondering how everyone deals with that. Before I started doing anything like this, there was never a reason to lie to her or sneak, so it's foreign to me.

[Sam W]

Hi capablehippie,

I was also close to my mom, but when I started being sexually active, that was not something I shared with her. I'm sure at a certain point she figured it out, because parents sometimes seem to have a sixth sense about these things. And I'll admit that it felt weird to not share that with her because we had been so close (although, as I got older, or relationship evolved so that I told her less and less about certain things). I don't think it damaged our relationship, just altered it. Too, sex is a really personal thing for many people. It's okay to not share the details of what's going on with anyone, including a parent.