I'm trans, but not sure if I am

[LovelyStar]

Okay so here's the story. For the longest time I've loved everything girly, girl toys, make up, etc. And this was before I even knew about transgerism. I would wish almost every night to be a girl, but I thought it was just a dream. The thing is, I was also attracted to guys. I never accepted the fact I was gay, since where I lived it wasn't as accepted that much. So I keep quiet about feeling both ways. Recently like about 1 year ago I came out to my parents about feeling like I am a girl. They let me dress in female clothes, go by a female name, etc. But I'm not sure I AM transgender. You see, I still am attracted to males. But when I fantasise about being with a guy, I never imagine myself as a female. I adore gay couples and gay parents. Just the idea of it makes me happy. And for the longest time I thought I was just gay. And now I'm really confused. I love wearing girl clothes and make up and going by a female name. But when it comes to guy things, I like gay relationships. The thing is ever since I transitioned, I've felt confident, fierce, and beautiful. When I identified as male, I barely even liked myself. When it comes to sexual feelings, I have no attraction to females, not even if females are with males. So I'm really confused. Am I just transgender and attracted to guys or am I something else? Its been confusing me for a while because I really wish I could be in a relationship, but gay relationships just seem so happy to me. Ugh, its really confusing

Also noted is that I also like the idea of being the top for a guy. I don't really like my body parts, but when it comes to things like masterbation prior to my transition and after I am fine using my body parts. Ugh this is really confusing for me :/

[Sam W]

Hi Lovelystar,

First off, I want to say it's great to hear that getting to present as girl is making you feel happier, and that your parents support you in that!

I also want to say that it's okay to not be 100% sure of how you identify in terms of gender or sexuality. It can take people years to sort out what identities make them feel most like themselves, and some people may find that how they identify changes over time. You're allowed to experiment and try things out to find out what fits best for you. There's also not one true, correct way of being trans. If you feel like trans is what describes your feelings, then you get to claim that label

Too, there are plenty of trans folks who identify as gay, lesbian, or bi (or pansexual, or asexual). Our gender identity does not define our sexual orientation. I'd also say that sometimes what we like fantasizing about doesn't quite line up with who we end up dating or having sex with (sometimes we find that we like different things in our brains than in real life).

Have you had a chance to read about the experiences of other trans or genderqueer folks? If not, would you like some recommendations?

[LovelyStar]

Thanks for the response. If you could link those articles I would sure read them. I guess with relationships I will have to see which works best for me instead of guessing. Thanks again!

[Sam W]

You're welcome! And yep, relationships can sometimes surprise us (though other times they pretty much fit with what we expected).

As for reading, a great starting book is "Redefining Realness" by Janet Mock (you can usually get it through a library). We've also got a few articles on the site that you might find useful, both about sexual orientation and gender identity. These two can start you off.
The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... the_identi