Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!

I feel like he's still consuming my thoughts

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
caligirl94
not a newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2016 1:47 pm
Age: 29
Awesomeness Quotient: My smile
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Heterosexual
Location: Georgia

I feel like he's still consuming my thoughts

Unread post by caligirl94 »

I have been out of my abusive relationship for 3 years now. Even though I've been free of him for that long, he's still in my thoughts. He was mainly verbally abusive but things eventually got physical. I always find myself thinking about the things he said to me. He would criticize my weight, my skin and even my family. He'll still reach out to me every now and then. It seems like he knows whenever I get a new phone and his number isn't blocked because he'll text me again. And for some reason, I still feel obligated to reply to him even though he treated me terribly. I just want to move on but don't know why I can't stop letting what he has said to me run my life. Does anyone have any tips?
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: I feel like he's still consuming my thoughts

Unread post by Heather »

I'm so sorry to hear this.

By all means, one important step to take is to block his number. Permanently.

You know how he made you feel, and you know how he still makes you feel. You know it's the literal opposite of good. We don't owe ANYONE the ability to contact us, let alone someone who has shown us clearly that when we let them into our lives, they choose to do us harm. You don't owe this guy squat. The person I think you DO owe something to, and where you are obligated, is yourself. You owe you a life as free of this as you can manage. One thing within your control is to do what you can to cut off his ability to contact you.

Think you can start there? Maybe even right this very second?

In the event you are blocking his number but he keeps somehow getting your new number when you get a new phone, then someone clearly is giving it to him each time. Who do you think that might be?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post