How do I approach this?

[bigbywolf]

Hello!

Long time, no talk. But a weird situation has arisen.

I live in a house with myself, my mother, my older sister (in her early 20s) and her boyfriend (in his early 20s).

Recently my sister's boyfriend and my mother went away for two weeks.

In those two weeks, my sister started to spend a lot of time with "Jack" (not his true name). Jack is a 40-something year old man who was working with my sister in a community production - nothing professional. Just a small town show. Anyway, sister and Jack are spending a LOT of time together. The show finishes. Sister sits me down and tells me she needs to break up with her boyfriend. She says she hasn't loved him for a long time, and then mentions that she recently met someone who makes her incredibly sexually aroused, a sensation she hadn't realized she could have for a long time. She tells me to not tell our mother or the boyfriend. She confirms that it's Jack that arouses her.

Boyfriend comes home. She breaks up with him. Mom comes home, sister tells her they are broken up.

The boyfriend doesn't really have anywhere to go, so he camps out in the lounge/"Garden room" for around a week.

I'm not talking to anyone about the situation, because I'm mostly trying to ignore it.

Anyway, after about a week, my sister decides to take him back. Things seem like they are mostly back to normal. She is more often unkind to the boyfriend than not, and a month later she is STILL facebooking Jack. He does not live in the same area as we do, which is why she can't be meeting up with him all the time. I really don't trust Jack. I feel very suspicious about a 40+ year olds interest in a young adult, who is already in a long term relationship, but I know love is a weird thing.

I want to know what I should do. I feel so, so sad for the boyfriend. The fact that Mom and I both know that my sister is hiding her "Friendship" with Jack makes me feel bad. I am considering asking Mom to sit my sister down with me and have an intervention, just to find out what the hell is actually happening. At the same time, my sister is an adult and can do whatever she wants. But what she does affects us as she lives with us in a very small home and we all care about her and her boyfriend.

We made it clear that we believe that if you aren't happy with someone, you have no obligation to stay with them. But it's still likely she went back to her boyfriend because she felt pressure to.

I just wish Jack never appeared.

[Sam W]

Hi bigbywolf,

I have to agree with you that older men pursuing younger women is generally not the greatest thing. And from your description it sounds like this situation is a drama-bomb waiting to go off.

However, this is also a situation that's pretty much out of your hands. Like you said, she's an adult who's ultimately in charge of what she does. You could, if you thought it would help, have a conversation with her about your concerns (especially how she seems to be asking you and your mom to keep the fact that she's possibly still cheating from her boyfriend). But once you've done that, it's up to her what she's going to do with that information.