Messy break up

[Bubbagirl123]

Hi this is my first message on an advice column so bare with me. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years two weeks ago. I decided to end it because I felt like I lost feelings a long time ago and we could never have enough time together. Later on in the week I started talking to this guy who I had a crush on two years ago but never pursued. I told him about my break up and he was very comforting. Wanting to just flirt daily I asked if he had a girlfriend and the guy I'll call Kurt said no. Later the next day we soon start sexting hard core and I start developing sexual feelings towards this guy. Fast forward to my first day of senior year and my best friend tells me that Kurts girlfriend is in her class and that they've been together for a year. As devastated as I was I felt like I had to hear it from him first. I texted him and he said he's sorry I found out this way and that he's vermin. Next my ex of two years I hear is saying that he wanted a break from me and only stayed with me because of prom. My friend confronts him out of know where and he tells me I let people fight my battles and to not believe everything I hear. It's been a rough week and I just want to know what to do. Ps. sorry it's so long lol

[Sam W]

Hi Bubbagirl,

It certainly sounds like there's quite a lot going on. When you say you want to know what to do is there a particular part of the situation you want to resolve? Or are you more looking for ways to start untangling the whole thing?

[Bubbagirl123]

Hi Bubbagirl,

It certainly sounds like there's quite a lot going on. When you say you want to know what to do is there a particular part of the situation you want to resolve? Or are you more looking for ways to start untangling the whole thing?

[Bubbagirl123]

Thank you so much for replying! I would like ways to start untangling the whole mess and advice on how to act around my ex now and to not feel like a total loser for letting the first guy I talked to sweet talk me into sexting?

[Sam W]

You're welcome! For your ex, this article is a great place to start: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking . It gives you lots of ideas for how to move forward from a breakup. I generally advise two things: one is to minimize interaction with your ex, to make the break cleaner for both of you. The other is to take some time to just be single and learn to enjoy and be comfortable with what that feels like.

As for the other guy, step one is to accept that you made the choices you did and learn from them. For instance, maybe you make a rule for yourself to not sext with people until you really, really trust them. Too, it sounds like he did mislead you about his relationship status, so that part of this is on him. I'd advise giving him the same kind of distance that you give your ex.

[Bubbagirl123]

Thank you so much for the advice! It helped a lot and I understood everything you said it's just really hard to be alone after two years I realize and to not want someone to be by my side.

[Sam W]

That's totally understandable, and you certainly are allowed some time to mourn the loss of that relationship. The shift from "part of a couple" to "single" can be quite jarring. That's actually why we so often recommend people use their post-breakup time to learn how to be comfortably single. Odds are most folks will have at least a few big periods of not being romantically involved.

One way you can think about it is being single gives you a chance to focus on your relationship with yourself. It's also a great opportunity to focus more on developing your friendships (which can often be longer lasting than many romantic partnerships).

[Bubbagirl123]

Thank you so much again I will take your advice fully!

[Sam W]

You're welcome