Is this vaginismus?

[EmilyH]

Hi.

I really hate the word virginity and the concept of calling people pure/clean so I'll say I've never had partnered sex. I do have a strong sex drive and I masturbate daily/twice daily and have done since I was about 11. All my masturbation is clitoral stimulation. About 2 years ago I used a dildo and I remember it took a while to get it in but I did get it in and it felt really good deep inside. anyway, it was made from a material that had a strong smell (?) and I got a UTI both times I used it. Never had one before or since so it was the material.

So. That was the last time I tried inserting anything. Recently I thought I would try again. I bought a 6 inch dildo but this time it won't go in at all. I use lots of lube but when I press against my opening nothing happens. It's like pressing it against my forearm. There's no "give". I'm not sure if I have the angle right but I did move around and tried standing too but nothing happens. I looked up some advice online and noticed that my body was tense and my breathing shallow when I was reading about penetration. I watched a video about inserting a menstral cup and my chest literally tightened when it showed a diagram of the insertion. I tried a finger today and I did get my middle finger in and it just felt weird. There's so many ridges and I don't think I felt my cervix or gspot. It also didn't hurt but it did feel tight right at my hymen. Could my hymen still be there or have "grown back"? I figured it would be gone if I used a dildo before. Pretty sure the old dildo was bigger than my new one too.

I'm worried now that I have vaginismus because the symptom is difficulty inserting and anxiety. I don't know why I would have it though because I read erotica and sometimes watch scenes with my a male pornstar I crush on. In both cases I get super turned on watching/reading about intercourse. So why was my body tensing up then when I was reading about penetration?

Do you think I have developed vaginismus? Unfortunately my dating life is non existent right now but I would like to be able to achieve and enjoy penetration by myself before I have partnered sex. Thanks.

[Sam W]

Hi Emily,

Vaginismus is something we can't diagnose for you, as only a healthcare provider can do that. However, it sounds like you're very tense when you're trying to insert things. Tension and anxiety alone can easily cause difficult or painful insertion. It's much easier to insert things when your brain and body are aroused. Too, even for people who are aroused, extra lubrication is needed to make insertion feel pleasurable. When you've tried inserting toys or your fingers, have you been aroused and using lube?

I'm also going to give you these two articles, as they'll give you more information about painful insertion and your corona (AKA the hymen).
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

[EmilyH]

Ok. Thanks for responding. Ya as I said in the OP I use lots of lube. I get aroused but when I go from clitoral touching to trying insertion my mind wanders from sexy thoughts to thinking about trying to get it in because it doesn't work and takes so long trying. I could prob work on maintaining my arousal. Ive read the articles linked thanks. I read online that many people who have vaginismus were told by gynos that they were fine. Do you think a psychologist is better able to diagnose? If I can't make any progress with this what type of dr is best to go to? My GP says I don't need a pap because I'm too young and haven't been sexually active so I don't have a gyno.

[Heather]

Psychologists can't diagnose physical pain conditions: they are mental, not physical, healthcare providers. In the event this is NOT about a physical pain condition, but turns into something like longstanding fear that you can't shake or doesn't resolve itself, then you're talking about mental health, and then a therapist would be a sound choice in a provider.

I would advise not putting much stock in what you read anecdotally online. If you feel your healthcare provider isn't competent (in general, or with this), then what you want to do is seek a second opinion from a different doctor. Ideally, an OB/GYN is the right kind of healthcare provider, with the most education in this arena, to evaluate someone for vaginismus, vulvodynia and other vaginal/vulval pain conditions.

[EmilyH]

Thanks. There's no pain though so that's why I'm thinking psychological. No other gyno symptoms either. No issues with my GP because ya no gyno symptoms or pain until I tried penetration again this weekend. I totally agree that you can't rely on Internet anecdotes but I was just trying to perhaps get some ideas or rule out certain conditions or whatever. I appreciate the advice from both. I will keep trying and if the anxiety remains seek a therapist.