Is my mom being abusive?

[Memekid]

She in there because she usually explains things more in depth. It definetly was worth a try :/.
I do usually meditate whenever things are rough, but im banned from upstairs and don't have my IPod which had my guided tracks on it.

[Sam W]

So, in the future, can you set a hard line that she is not allowed to come to appointments with you? Because it's going to be hard to be truthful with her there (since she sides with your mom). Plus, it shouldn't be her explaining things as personal as your mental health and your need to call CPS. Then the counselor is only getting her version, not yours. Also, to clarify, is the person you're scheduled to see a therapist or a psychiatrist?

Do you have some space outside where you can sit and meditate (assuming the weather is not awful)?

[Memekid]

A therapist. Its very sunny out but I don't know how to do it without guided tracks.

[Memekid]

I recall my mom saying the reason I'm on these forums is just so I can find someone with my same opinion.

[Sam W]

Okay, good to know. Just so you know going in, the therapist can't prescribe you medication unless they are also a psychiatrist. I say this mostly in case your mom tries to convince you otherwise.

Maybe while you still have access to the computer you can find some short guided meditation directions? Or if that fails, maybe even sitting out in the sun and focusing on taking in the things you see, hear, feel, and smell in that moment could work.

I mean, your mom is entitled to think that. However, from the outside, you came here asking a question and we answered it based on our interpretation and experience. Heck, if you look back on our conversation you don't always agree with us, or you raise concerns. Then again, if your mom has seen this, she's also seen what we've been saying about her behavior, and what we say doesn't take a great view of her actions. So it's in her interest to try and discredit us to you so that you'll stop looking for voices that contradict what she wants you to believe. Does that all make sense?

[Sam W]

So, looking over our conversation the last few days, here's something I'd suggest. How about we switch gears for a little bit? Instead of focusing on getting some outside intervention right now, maybe we take some time away from that. If you needed it to, that could mean taking a break from this space for a few days (but you're by no means required to). Really, the goal on our end is to do what works for you in terms of support. What do you think?

Depending on what else you need right now, we could also talk about some ways for you to take care of yourself on days where things with your family are really hard to handle.

[Memekid]

sure id like that. the pc is now moved to the livingroom now.

[Sam W]

Okay, sounds good. It sounds like some self-care tips might be very handy for you right now: Self-Care a La Carte . Are there some things in that article that are workable for you?

(And with the pc, private browsing sessions are your friend, assuming you're not already using them).

I'm heading out for the day, but other folks might be around tonight if other things come up that you want to talk about.

[LostGirl96]

So how are things going if you don't mind me asking? Do you still check back here?

[Memekid]

Things are going okay. The counselor is referring me to a therapist to help me and apparently told mom that touching myself was okay.
I was denied buying anything that vibrates when I went shopping with her last week.

[Heather]

Those are some great changes! I don't know about you, but when I had a therapist call out my parents to them, it was very satisfying and empowering for me.

[LostGirl96]

Does your mother still read this thread?

[Memekid]

She hasn't read it at all lately.

[Memekid]

So mom has been at it again.
She found out about me touching myself and took away the razor I was using and said I was too young to be doing it and I got my pink eye from it. She thinks shes been giving me Prozac but it was actually my allergy pill. I did see half of a pill in my pill box but I threw it away instantaneously.

[Sam W]

Hi memekid,

I'm sorry to hear she's started up again, although given her pattern of behavior it's not a total shock.

You mentioned in your other thread that you hadn't made an appointment yet to talk with a therapist. Have you talked to your mom about that and followed up on it? If so, what has she told you?

[Memekid]

She said I was going to go soon but that was about it

[Memekid]

I looked everywhere for another item to do it with, but there was nothing. My toothbrush was even taken away and I had to use a manual one.
I even confronted her about it and she said I was too young to be doing it and It was like being addicted to drugs with my behavior and such. For it, I was put on my sister's antidepressants. Mom also mentioned that I was sick in the head for doing it. She said she didn't want to talk about it ever again and said she would let my counselor decide my fate. I won't be in contact with her till the end of this month unfortunately. I had to go two weeks without it prior to my electric razor being taken away and felt extremely desperate and irritated.
I read through some stories about how kids younger than me did the same and their parents were okay with the whole thing. It made me grind my teeth in anger.

[Sam W]

It sounds like that for the time being you'll need to hold off on masturbating unless there's no one in the house at all, because it seems like even just masturbating sans any object makes her angry at you. That's not fair, and you're right that masturbation is normal and something kids do from a very young age. But if it's something that seems to always get this response from her, it's safer to hold off unless there's a time where she can't discover you.

Just to make sure I've got what's going on straight: you'll be seeing the counselor at the end of the month (do you know the exact date and time of the appointment?), and your mom is once again trying to force pills on you. Have you taken any of them? And how does it work if she gives you the medication that's meant for your sister? Is your sister just not getting it?

Too, do you know what your mom meant by saying the counselor would decide your fate (which is not really what counselor's do)?

[Memekid]

I did dig around upstairs when both parents were distracted and found an old razor. Might probably try it when everybody is asleep. It is Friday, after all.
I don't know the exact date because mom said they were on vacation. I always throw them in the trash no matter what and my sis is still taking them. When I do take the pills, I experienced no emotions at all and it drove me to tears ( at least any tears I could force out ).
The counselor would decide what im allowed to have and what not to get.

[Ashleah]

By "allowed to have" or you referring to medication of items to masturbate with?

I'm not surprised that you would be having reactions to medication, especially ones that have not been
prescribed to you. I am glad to hear you are able to toss them without your mom finding out. With this behavior showing back up, I'm concerned about your wellbeing. Forcing medication is pretty serious.

[Heather]

Just to be clear, and so you know, general counselors and therapists (psychologists) do not have the ability to prescribe medications to anyone.

Only licensed psychiatrists do.

[Memekid]

What things I'm allowed to do on computer and such. Turns out she is actually is licensed when I looked closely at the label, So I must've mixed up the terms. Mom said that the pills were told to be in taken from my eye doctor for my scratched eye. I threw it away again instead.
I broke down crying while thinking about my life and also a dream in which I finally met my boyfriend in real life which made me uncomfortable when I woke up. I'm starting to suspect he is a predator as well. I was also thinking suicidal for a bit.

[Mo]

If you find yourself in a situation where you're having suicidal thoughts, I do highly encourage you to get in touch with a suicide crisis service for some immediate help. For one that's accessible online, go here: https://www.imalive.org/ and there's a hotline you can call here: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ I know you may not always have a lot of privacy but hopefully in a crisis situation one or the other will be something you can access.

I'm hoping that when you do get in to see a counselor you can talk to them about the situation at home, and about the medication your mom's trying to get you to take without a doctor examining you/prescribing it to you specifically - and that they take you seriously. As Heather noted in another thread, you can definitely lead off by asking about their confidentiality policy, so you can know how much you feel safe discussing with them.

[Memekid]

Yesterday was so awful. Let me basically sum it up:

- Took away cellphone after catching it in my shorts.
- In the midst of her anger, she called me a stupid girl
- Said she didn't give a crap if I cried or didn't talk to her
- Forced room door open at all times
-Said guys could masturbate because they wouldn't get infections
-Made fun of how I listed things she did
-Compared me being angry to a little kid throwing a tantrum
-Forced me up to the pond with her, though I ended up doing absolutely nothing
-Tried forcing myself to sleep even with my sister playing loud music. Cried while hugging a stuffed animal underneath my bed covers.
-Ended up playing Guitar Hero on Ds with headphones the entire afternoon

[Memekid]

I also know you guys aren't doctors of any sort, but mom has also been telling me that the many bruises I'm getting on my legs might be from touching myself. Is this true?