Called CPS and I'm now deeply worried

[Memekid]

From continuation of my last thread; http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=4651

I finally called them.
All throughout the call, I felt extremely scared like I was making a big mistake. I didn't even get to list all 5 pages of what I wrote. I mentioned the pills I was being forced, getting lectured by my mom, closely monitored, and how she didn't approve of me touching myself.
I told them I was feeling scared but said they might send somebody at school or my house. I told them my county but didn't say my address or directions to my house. She didn't seem to really take me seriously as she said she should be closely monitoring me. The woman didn't even mind the fact I was being forced pills and said I was being prescribed because the counselor talked to my mom over the phone. CPS also said that I could just be being disciplined.
I'm worrying that this all amounted to a fluke and will get me into deeper trouble.

[Ashleah]

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this right now and second guessing your decision. It takes a lot of courage to make that type of call and you should have been heard. It is more than unfortunate and a failure to protect youth when claims are not taken seriously. I wish I could offer you more certainty, but with CPS, it can be difficult to know what steps will be taken. I just want to reiterate that the behavior from your mother is not okay! How would you like to proceed? We can offer some additional tips with dealing with CPS (such as having an adult make another call) or would you just like some support from us and the community here?

[Memekid]

I would take both. I'm worrying that they'll interrogate my mom or something like that.

[Mo]

Were you able to talk to your health teacher about any of this? I'm wondering if it might help to have another adult on your side here for some additional support. As Ashleah said, that teacher might be able to make a report that CPS takes more seriously. It's not fair for you that someone won't take you seriously until an adult backs you up, but I do think that could be helpful. I'm really disappointed in the person you spoke to at CPS for reacting the way she did! It's really not ok for a doctor to "prescribe" drugs to a patient they've never seen or examined, no matter who else they talk to.

[Memekid]

Maybe I deserved this. I think I'm going crazy for actually going through with this and just getting myself in deeper trouble. I don't know what to exactly say to my health teacher. I didn't tell them anything but my family's names, my age, and my county.

[Ashleah]

Memekid,

I can not stress enough that you do NOT deserve this type of treatment. You have not done anything wrong, and despite what the CPS agent said, this is not normal nor a healthy form of discipline. From everything you have said, your mother seems uncomfortable with you exploring your sexuality because of her own believes and has expressed that in a way that is both manipulative and controlling. I can understand feeling doubtful about making the call, especially considering the agents response. But something didn't feel right to you about what has been going on at home and it's good that you followed your gut!

Moving forward, even if you don't decide to follow up on the call for now it still might be helpful to get an adult that you trust involved. Are you grandparents someone you could talk to about this? Would you feel comfortable telling your teacher about the call you made? Just letting her know what has happened and is going on? In the other thread Sam and Gemma gave some great suggestions for sparking up the conversation, if it's still feeling uncomfortable and you are concerned about the other students, you could also ask to set up a time to meet during school hours (or ask to speak to them after or before class) to and let the teacher know it is for something personal discuss something personal. Just be honest, you can even just let the teacher know that you are worried after making the call.

Have there been any changes at home?

And also have you been able to talk about what's been going on with any of your friends? You have been dealing with a lot and having somewhere there for you right now could be helpful.

You also mentioned

[Memekid]

Mom has been acting better and gave me a hug when I kept my grades at As and Bs. I decided to not tell any staff for now at least. My counselor is referring me to another therapist.
I don't ever talk much to other people since I spend most of my time in my thoughts. When digging through a drawer in the bathroom, I found an old razor and "tried it out".

[Iwanthelp]

Abusive people tend to go in cycles of bad behaviour to a honeymoon period where things seem good. Not saying that to crush your hope, just that if you still talk about what's going on to adults that's still valid.

[Ashleah]

Hi Memekid,

It sounds like what you are describing could result in self harm. If you are having a desire to hurt yourself or want to talk about what happened, then you or someone you know can get in contact with a 24 hour hotline such as National Suicide Prevention Life Line (call: 1-800-273-TALK) or Crisis Text Line(TEXT: “GO” TO 741741). If you are in immediate danger, you can call 911 or go to the local emergency room.

We are not trained to appropriate assist with self harm and for longer term, this is something to bring up with your therapist for proper mental healthcare.

I do agree with I Want Help that reaching out to an adult you trust is still valid.

[Memekid]

What? I didn't hurt myself at all!
I used it to masturbate.

[Sam W]

Whew, thank you for clarifying! I think Ashleah assumed it was a razor blade rather than part of an electric razor, hence her concern.

[Ashleah]

I'm sorry Memekid! I did make an assumption, and as Sam said, I was just concerned for your safety. I put the information out there without clarifying in case it was information you might have needed immediately.

[Memekid]

Its okay .
I didn't flat out say it till the last post because of my concern of mom getting into my account again even though I delete it from history and everything.

[Sam W]

Ah, that makes sense. Are you making sure to use private browsing too (that will give you an extra barrier between her and your accounts)?

[Memekid]

yep.