Is my mom being abusive?

[LostGirl96]

That's very UNtrue. Unless you've banged your leg on something while masturbating. But masturbating itself doesn't cause bruises. I hope you see your therapist soon and she can help knock some sense into your mother. Girls masturbate just as much as guys, and your mother obviously hasn't had any sex education in her life, so take anything she says about it with even less than a grain of salt.

[Sam W]

Hi memekid,

It sucks that you had such a rough day. I have to second what lostgirl said about masturbation and bruising. Masturbation is not going to cause mystery bruises on your body.

In the midst of all the unpleasant stuff that happened, was she continuing to try and force pills on you?

[Memekid]

Im still being told the pills are for my eyes but I threw them in the garbage anyway. I was also told that masturbating could get me a serious disease and I would die from it or have my vag removed.

[Heather]

I would strongly suggest that, as much as possible, you simply do not discuss masturbation with your mother anymore. I know that if she just walks into a room with some kind of lecture about it, there's little you can do (though you could just walk away, perhaps?), but I think anything you can do NOT to initiate this with her or engage her in it in any way is going to be better for you.

In other words, this isn't a fight, as it were, you're going to win. I don't know where her own shame and anger around bodies and masturbation comes from, but it's obviously really big stuff and not anything coming from a rational place. When someone is like that, about anything, we're not likely to be able to move them from it in any way. The best we can do, when their own big baggage is having a bad impact on us, is to try and avoid them, and if we can't avoid them, to avoid and stay clear of the issue.

Heck, honestly, if this feels right to you and like something you can do, just to get through all this for now, your best bet may be to be dishonest and just tell her you hear her, you know, and you're not going to do it. Suffice it to say, it's clear masturbating in your home isn't emotionally safe period, so not masturbating for a while at home is probably your best way to go, regardless (even though this whole thing is ridiculous and your mother is simply wrong about all of this).

[Memekid]

I'll be sure not to talk about it anymore. Mom already thinks I lie with every sentence I speak though.

[Heather]

Well, that's on her, and, unfortunately, not something it sounds like you can fix.

I think your best but with all of this is just to do what you can to get by and then to care services, like this upcoming therapist. When is that appointment, again?

[Memekid]

No appointment has been scheduled yet because they are currently on vacation.
I also found a note in my lunchbox of mom telling me how lucky she was to have me as her child, something she never did before....

[Jacob]

Hi again memekid,

I hope you hear back from the therapy people when they are off vacation.

I have to say the note from your mum is really typical for when people behave abusively, and tends to be part of a cycle.

[LostGirl96]

I agree with what Jacob said. That's her way of making you feel confused about the situation. It's how she makes you question if she's abusive or not. Whether it's in a plotting way or isn't, it's deceitful and manipulative.

[Memekid]

I'm even noticing things like how she said I could run away if I didn't like her rules and she also asked me if I touched myself yesterday. I actually did with my dad's old electric razor. I took safety precautions too.

[Sam W]

As we mentioned before, it's probably a good idea to hold back on masturbating (especially with objects) for the time being. It seems to be a flashpoint for your mom, and while that sucks avoiding that flashpoint might keep you safer.

With the therapist, has your mom given you their name and an approximate time you'll be seeing them? Because even if they're on vacation, they likely left information about when they'd return and start seeing clients again.

[Memekid]

I think mom has given information but I'm not quite sure.

[Ashleah]

Would you be comfortable asking her again?

I can't speak for everyone, but I think the concern here is that your mom might be telling you that she is following up on the therapy and simply hasn't or doesn't plan to. That might not be the case, but from all the things that you have shared here, having a therapist involved could be helpful and we just want you to have that source of support.

[Memekid]

So mom unlocked my locked box and took away my dad's razor and vibraitng pen.

[Sam W]

That sucks (does she have her own key to it?)

To second what Ashleah said, would you be comfortable asking your mom to give you as much detail as possible about the therapist you'll be seeing (like their name, for instance). That's really your right as their patient, if nothing else.

[Memekid]

No the key was in my drawer. Mom doesn't seem to know much about the therapist at all.

[Memekid]

Do you know any good ways to keep me from feeling too depraved and keep the sexual arousal from getting out of hand for at least two weeks? Any other options to relieving said feelings are welcome as well.

[Karyn]

There's not really any way to stop sexual arousal from happening in the first place, but you can channel that energy into other things when it happens: some people find exercise helps, or distracting yourself with a hobby or other activity you enjoy.

Per the therapist, do you have any information about them at all, and if you do, would you feel comfortable contacting them yourself?

[Memekid]

I can't really remember any information at all except that its in a town near me.

[Memekid]

By the way, I had a dream about all of this and I felt tensed when I woke up.

[Jacob]

If your mum is not going to be a good person to go through for this therapy have you investigated whether you can refer yourself?

You clearly have Internet access, so perhaps you can research places you would like to go, incase your mother never comes through.

[Memekid]

I'm alright with the place I'm going as long as it isn't that psychiatrist who gave us the stupid pills.

[Karyn]

I would encourage you to do what you can to seek out ways to get that therapy for yourself, whether that's going back to your school counsellor (who I believe you said referred you in the first place?) or researching it on your own. In-person help at this point is going to be the most useful thing: both because you need some more support around dealing with your mom's behaviour, and because it sounds like you need someone who will be able to advocate on your behalf in terms of preventing your mom from doing things like making you take medication you don't need.

[Memekid]

I'll try something. Mom also said she would still not allow me to masturbate even after we went to the therapist one time.

[Sam W]

I would suggest you do your own tracking down of the therapist sooner rather than later since, as Karyn said, in-person help is your best bet and the sooner you can access it, the better.

Too, so you know, there should not be a "we" seeing this therapist. It should only be you.