How come I don't get pleasure from fingering but I do from dry humping?

[audreylinen]

So i dry hump with my boyfriend but he also tries to finger me, but the thing is fingering hurts and even if when he doesn't, like when he's just putting pressure and moving in circular motions, I don't feel much, but when I'm dry humping him (me on top) i feel the pleasure? How can I make it so that i can feel the pleasure when he's fingering me as well? Also, i feel pleasure for maybe 10-20 seconds and then it completely goes away (i haven't orgasmed) and then i just kind of lose the mood for making out?? how can i prevent this from happening? I don't understand!

[audreylinen]

Another question, does it hurt for guys during handjobs? Like maybe a way that my hand moves will hurt them, eg stretching their skin too far?? Because sometimes my boyfriend hiss but i don't know if it's from pleasure or pain

[Heather]

Starting with your first post, there are a few answers to that:

1) Not everyone likes every possible sexual activity. In fact, it's safe to say most people have some things they like and others they don't, and/or some ways they like something and ways they don't.

2) Just because we like one sexual thing doesn't mean we will like another, even if that's about liking contact with one body part this way, but not liking a different kind of contact with the same body part.

3) Genitals are complex, made of several different structures, which all have several different portions or parts. So, what we like with genital contact, what works for us and doesn't, what feels good and hurts can, and often does, differ this way. Of course, sometimes it's about the how. For instance, maybe the way he's going about using his fingers with your vulva is what you don't like, and you might find you do like that activity if it was done differently (for example, using more lube, when you're already more excited, not putting fingers inside your vagina but focusing on your external clitoris, etc.)

4) We can't usually "make" ourselves like something sexual we don't, and that shouldn't be a big deal because no one should need to. If, for instance, you don't like or want this kind of sexual activity, all you should need to do is tell your partner that and let them know you two need to find other things you DO both enjoy. That's a very common part of sexual partnership, since again, few people like EVERYTHING people can do sexually, so nearly everybody when being sexual together will just need to be finding the wants and likes they have in common and going with those.

[Heather]

Per your second question, any kind of physical contact can hurt, feel good, or be somewhere in the middle, whether we're talking a handjob or a hug.

But if you are touching someone and aren't sure if you're hurting them or not, all you need to do is ask, and then you'll know.