Unsupportive partner

[Karyn]

Girl: this is a place to talk about how your sexual partner is behaving around your recent pregnancy scare, if that's a conversation you want to have.

In your other post, you mentioned that he removed the condom during sex; is that something he asked you about first?

[girl]

he didnt really ask for my permission, he just kinda did it on his own and i was aware of it and i constantly told him that i was not going to have sex without a condom but it just kinda happened in the moment...

[Redskies]

I'm really sorry that he did that: it was wrong of him, and he shouldn't have. Clearly, he didn't have your permission to take off the condom, but he also knew that you did NOT want him to, because you told him. He should have respected and followed what you wanted for your own body, because only you have the right to make those decisions about your own body. By taking off the condom, he took that decision away from you.

He took the condom off: that didn't "just happen", he took it off. Because he didn't have your permission, because it was the opposite of what you told him you wanted, I'm not surprised you feel like it "just happened": you didn't get to be an equal part of this. I'm not surprised that you feel scared, too, because he put you in a postion where you were taking a risk you didn't want to take, and that would make any of us feel scared.

He's not the person who could potentially become pregnant, so he truly has no business making those kinds of decisions and taking those kinds of risks when you don't want to. It was selfish and disrespectful of him. From his actions, I'd have to say that he doesn't sound like a safe sexual partner for anybody. Someone who doesn't respect and support your decisions about your own body isn't being a safe person for you.

As this was unprotected, it's important for your health that you get some sexual healthcare, including STI testing. It's best if everyone starts getting regular sexual healthcare as soon as they start being sexually active (or, after an assault), and it's particularly important if barriers weren't used. Would you like any information or help about how to get that healthcare?

How are you doing with what I've said? I know it can be a lot to take in, so I wanted to check with you. How are you feeling about this relationship now, and what would you like from us?

[girl]

i dont really know what to do at this point. im suppose to start my period in 6 days like ive stated before and im just waiting till my period to start and if it doesnt im thinking about take an at home pregnancy test. i know for a fact he's had sex with 2 other girls besides me in the past but he said it was more than a year ago and he hasnt had any symptoms of any sti's and so i shouldnt be worried about that, but i know im still at a risk for potentially getting a sti since i didnt use any kind of protection. i also talked to him about our "relationship" and it is clear we dont have any kind of feelings for each other but he said he doesnt wanna stop this relationship or not talk to me because he also just likes having me as a "friend" what should i do?

[Redskies]

About STIs, that guy is ill-informed and irresponsible. With most STIs, it's more common that they show no symptoms at all. So, someone having no symptoms tells them and us nothing about their STI status. The only way he could know if he has an STI or not is to get tested. I'm really sorry he's landed you with this kind of risk, too. For your own health, I'd recommend that you get STI tests. The one thing you definitely don't want is to take the risk of having an STI and not getting it diagnosed or treated, because untreated STIs can have a much more serious, long-term impact on your health. Most STIs are completely curable, fairly quickly and easily, and they're all treatable, so getting tested is much much better for you than leaving it. Again, if you'd like our help with figuring out how and where to get that healthcare, we're absolutely here for that

Per what you should do about seeing this guy or spending time with him again: you know, it doesn't matter to me if he wants to see you again or if he likes having you as a friend. I think he already made this much too much about what he wants when he took the condom off and ignored what you wanted. What i think matters is what you want, and your well-being. You don't have to spend time with him or be his friend just because that's what he wants. You certainly don't have to have sex with him just because that's what he wants.

He is someone who's been unsafe for you and put his own wants before your rights, so I would be concerned about your well-being if you carried on being sexual with him. When someone's behaved that way once, they nearly always carry on the same way. You deserve much, much better than someone who ignores what you want, puts your health at risk, and causes you worry.

What do you want to do? If you need any help figuring that out, or figuring out how to do what you want, we're happy to talk with you about it.