Getting crushed by friend zone

[Alistair10]

Hey I'm a guy 16 turning 17 in a couple of weeks uh so recently one my good friends(a girl) got into a relationship with someone else, which I'm perfectly ok with however when I asked her out two years ago she declined saying that she "just wants to be friends" now the thing is I always liked her and it may be true that we don't talk much these days because we are in different educational institutions now but the thing is she didn't even tell me about this relationship and I had to ask her regarding this and she spilt it out.


So my main question is, was in the friend zone all along?? Or was she using me as a backup or something?? Please do tell

[Sam W]

Hi Alistair,

From what you're describing, it sounds like she was honest with you about her feelings for you (she liked you as a friend but didn't want to date you) and then, a few years later found someone she did want to date. While you'd have to ask her to be sure, my guess is that she wasn't stringing you along: she thought you two were friends.

Too, the concept of the friendzone is kind of a warped one. Women don't really tell guys they want to be friends out of spite, or to test them or keep them around as back-up. They like the guy in a non-romantic way and want to hang out with him still.

Do you feel you still have some romantic feelings for her?

[Alistair10]

Hi Alistair,

From what you're describing, it sounds like she was honest with you about her feelings for you (she liked you as a friend but didn't want to date you) and then, a few years later found someone she did want to date. While you'd have to ask her to be sure, my guess is that she wasn't stringing you along: she thought you two were friends.

Too, the concept of the friendzone is kind of a warped one. Women don't really tell guys they want to be friends out of spite, or to test them or keep them around as back-up. They like the guy in a non-romantic way and want to hang out with him still.

Do you feel you still have some romantic feelings for her?

Not really no i moved on from that point two years ago but it seems our friendship is somewhat affected by it. Thank you for replying

[Sam W]

You're welcome. When you say it's been affected, can you tell me more about what that looks like?