My boyfriend doesn't want to use condoms

[dakota1]

I asked my boyfriend many times if he could wear a condom because i'd feel so much safer, but he says it physically hurts him, he feels some kind of pain and discomfort and doesn't want to use it. He agreed however, to try, but since i'm on the pill he's pretty confident about not using it and always pulls out, just in case. I know the pill and withdrawal are safe, and there are few chances of pregnancy, but how do i convince him to use one? I do want him to enjoy as well and by using a condom he doesn't, what do i do?

[Heather]

Really, you can't convince him, you can just hold your own lines.

In other words, if someone wants to have sex with you, they need to use a condom. If someone doesn't want to use one, that's fine and their choice, but then they don't get to have sex with you. Make sense?

One thing though: if condoms literally cause him pain, something is up that can probably be easily fixed. For instance, is that because he is latex-sensitive? It can be, in which case using non-latex condoms will solve that. Is he not putting a couple drops of lube inside to make them more comfortable? Also easily fixed. Has he tried inside/female condoms (which are also non-latex) to see if a radically different kind of fit and form helps? Also an option.

If there is a real issue here (and I am a bit wary about that because previous to this, you have reported him saying no such thing, but instead saying his issue was he found it harder to keep an erection, so it sounds like he is changing the story here) and he actually wants to address it, there are things to explore. If he has no interest in even trying to think about what can be done to change things for him with condoms, though, or just refuses, period, then you two are at an impasse and it may just be that being sexual partners isn't going to be a sound thing for you together right now.