Mother is disapproving of me being poly.

[Sam W]

That sounds like it sucks, big time. I'm sorry you're dealing with a family that is so toxic.

How comfortable would you feel putting out feelers to your family about you being able to work, or even to volunteer somewhere (whatever can be done to get you out of the house as much as possible)? Is that something you think would be safe to ask about?

Out of curiosity, do any of your friends have parents who you trust and/or know what's going on at home for you?

[KittyPink]

Not too many of my friends' parents know what's going on. And frankly, I don't think they would be able to help. As far as feeling out for the work or volunteering, I have no clue.

[Karyn]

Have you ever asked permission from your family to do something before? Like spend time with friends, or join an activity at school? If so, how have those conversations gone?

[KittyPink]

I was in the school's Drama Club and Diversity/Anti-bullying club before all of this happened. My grandmother made me quit after she found out.

[Sam W]

This might be a long-shot, but do your mom and grandmother seem to listen more to adults than they do to young people? I ask because there might be a way to get a teacher or other adult to offer up the idea of your being in a club or doing some volunteer work. That might lend the request an air of legitimacy and make it appear to not be coming from you, thus not set off there "must control Kittypink" bells and giving you a chance to be away from them.

[KittyPink]

Nope, she won't listen to anybody, she barely was even convinced to give me back my sketchbook over some incident with some non-pornographic NSFW art I had drawn.

[Sam W]

Gracious. Let's look at another angle: how often are they out of the house and you have the space to yourself? I'm thinking in terms of you being able to keep in contact with the support system you do have whenever possible.

[KittyPink]

They aren't always home and I'll typically try to contact friends and the such then.

[Sam W]

Right on. How would you feel about using some of that time to get in touch with a local resource that might be able to help you?

[KittyPink]

Never thought about contacting local resources. Although, I never would of if I did because of an incident with this over me getting hit (Although, apparently me calling my grandmother a bitch makes it fine for her to hit me?) almost landed me in juvy when I reported it.

[Ashleah]

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. No, calling your grandmother a name does not give her the right to hit you. No one should be putting there hands on you, especially the people who are suppose to care for you.

I know you have been brainstorming with others here about building and keep connected with your support system, but I want to go back to safety in your home. I think we can get a better idea of the best ways we can help and what to focus on!t From all that you have said, it sounds like it isn't a safe place for you. Sam has been giving some great suggestions about ways of getting out the house and finding support, but do you feel like you have ways of staying safe, both physically and emotionally, when you are in the house or can't get away from your mother and grandmother?

[KittyPink]

Not really too much I can do to keep myself safe at home or when I can't get away, other than being in a different room as much as I can be.

[Ashleah]

Sam mentioned the safety plan earlier as well as some additional steps you can take or help you be prepared. Actions you can take if you are in immediate danger. Keeping space by going to different rooms is definitely one of those measures. This might also include having a bag pack in case you need to get out of the house immediately and already having a place in mind that you would go. It might also include identifying what tends to trigger your mom and grandma before they get upset and act out violently (btw, this is not saying that your actions are responsible for the way that they act).

Karyn asked about your friends, do you get to spend anytime with them outside of school? And I'm not sure if this was asked, are they allowed to come over?

[KittyPink]

I do have a bag that would require minimal to no packing, and I have several friends who would pick me up and let me stay with them. And, triggers are unknown.

As for my friends, I don't really get to spend time with them outside of school. They can't come over either.

[Heather]

Do you want to talk about options when it comes to potentially somewhere else to live? In other words, about the option of bringing in social services?

Looking at your situation -- and recognizing that your location presents some challenges with getting a social worker or advocate that is trans-friendly and literate amongst other things, but I don't think that's unsurmountable -- what I would guess would happen is an assessment that most likely resulted in home supervision, rather than foster care. There are pros and cons to that. If you want to talk about it, let me know.

[KittyPink]

I don't think social services will do anything, personally, I've had a few cases where they never really "found" anything wrong. Somewhere else to live... I'm not sure if I could find anyone who would let me stay with them long term.

[Heather]

Okay.

I'm poking around looking for some resources for you. Are you able to get to Cleveland? Parma looks relatively close.

[KittyPink]

I could, buses run out that way and one way fare is rather cheap.

[Heather]

Okay, so as a starting please, have you looked at, or ever gone to, this group: http://lgbtcleveland.org/youth--young-a ... grams.html

I'm seeing a few things there that might be of help to you, and you could also have a conversation with staff there about alternative housing options. Someone local who serves a local community is going to know way more about that than we can as an international service. Generally, local folks at orgs like that will also know more details about how things are locally, and who is who, so, for example, may know who the trans-friendly social workers are.

In the event you could get one of your family members to participate, the TransFamily program they run also looks pretty amazing.

[KittyPink]

I did look into it, but the plausibility of going to it right now is low.

[Karyn]

Is that just a matter of transport being difficult, or is there something else about it that's making you hesitate? (Just trying to get an idea of where to go from here with this conversation and what to suggest.)

[KittyPink]

Transport, and moreso being possibly not allowed to go.

[Heather]

Can I ask what changed between when I first asked if Cleveland was within reach for you -- and you said it was, and without it being a big deal -- to your answers with that now, where it sounds like you're saying it is not possible?

[KittyPink]

My grandmother probably won't pay for the fare for something like that.

[Karyn]

Do you have any money of your own that you could use for something like this? In other words, is there any way to get there without having to ask for the funds to do so?