i am always aroused, but masterbation doesn't really do the trick anymore and seems more like a chore now then anything

[sociallyawkward]

I'm not great at talking to people so it's hard for me to get into sexual activities, but there are times where masterbation isn't enough. I don't know what to do to help me be less aroused or to make masterbation enough again. Can anyone help?

[Heather]

"Enough" really depends on what you're looking for from it. There are some things masturbation can deliver when it comes to what we want sexually, and some things in can't. The big one it can't answer, obviously, is any desire to be with another person sexually.

As well, obviously, sex with others asks things of us masturbation doesn't, so we don't want to view that kind of sex as something that's just about meeting our own wants, if you follow (and maybe you're already there).

There are also times when we are just in a sexual slump, and that can happen alone, in masturbation, or with partners. Sounds like that might be where you're at right now, and it's likely temporary, and just something to ditch for now -- ditch masturbation if it feels like a chore -- and wait things out. Arousal tends to come and go if we let it: we don't have to engage in any kind of sex, alone or with someone else, for it to subside.

In the meantime, you can think some about what you're looking for your masturbation isn't delivering for you. Maybe it's about changing things up, be it with your sexual fantasy during or how you masturbate, or maybe this is about wanting things masturbation just can't deliver.

On a side note, if you'd ever like to talk with us about the struggles you have with communicating with people, we could certainly try and give you some helps with that.

[sociallyawkward]

Thanks for you're advice Heather.
I don't know if there is much you could do to help with the talking to people. I have panic attacks and anxiety when I'm around to many people, and it only gets worse when I'm attracted to someone. I can't figure out what to say and then start to stumble over my words because of it.

[Sam W]

Hi Sociallyawkward,

You mention having panic attacks. Have you ever had the opportunity to talk with a counselor about how to manage those or prevent them from happening as often (because they can sure suck)?

[sociallyawkward]

I have not had a chance to talk to anyone. I don't have health endurance and they aren't cheap to go to lol

[Sam W]

I see. Do you know if there are any community clinics or other resources that offer counseling at a sliding scale fee?

[sociallyawkward]

Not that I know of in my area. Everything I've looked into is expensive. But I've lived with it for 25 years, I can go a couple more I suppose. Thank yoi for your help though