Pain during intercourse but...

[pixiecat]

Hi, I'm not a virgin and I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. I know, I shouldn't have done it unprotected in the first place.. maybe because of that, I'm facing this problem right now. So previously, he told me that the girls he had sex in the past was all virgins and I trusted him for that. But after having sex with him a few times, I start to get weird vaginal discharge and a fishy odour (which apparently only i can smell and he can't). And when I asked him the second time if all the girls he had sex with was virgins and he casually said no. I don't really know what his problem is, but that's not the point here. The point is, after having sex with him the first 1-2 times, it will hurt when he penetrates me despite my vagina being well lubricated but when i masturbate, it doesn't hurt. I don't really know what's going on with my body to be honest and i don't want to confide with my parents because i know that i'm just going to get lectured and they wouldn't be of much help. I just want to know if anyone here experiences similar symptoms and give me some advice on this?

[Sam W]

Hi pixiecat,

If you're having unusual discharge with a strong odor or weird color, then it's time to check in with a healthcare provider to see what's going on (you can read about why that is here: Honorably Discharged: A Guide to Vaginal Secretions )

As far as the pain goes, one possibility is that you're feeling tense or anxious during intercourse. Would you say you feel relaxed during the process, or do you find yourself getting anxious?

I'd also suggest that you and he get STI tests done as soon as you can to make sure neither of you needs to be treated for one. Too, now if the time to start using condoms (were you using some method of birth control, like the pill, in these first few instances of sex? )

[snailshell]

First off, if your boyfriend lied to you about something that was important to you and violated your trust, that's a big relationship red flag. I think it's worth it to talk to your boyfriend about why he gave you wrong information and how that made you feel. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, and that includes being able to trust your partner.

As for the issue: only a doctor can say, but it could be something that is not an STI but instead a yeast infection - I get them sometimes after sex and they cause similar symptoms. Your best bet is to tell your mom that something hasn't been feeling right and you want to see a gynecologist, then ask the gyno to screen for anything that could cause this kind of pain and discharge.

You may not have any actual condition - you could just be sore from sex that was too rough without enough lube, and stressing about the possibility of an STI is making normal changes in discharge seem extra significant. In the future, try using lube, more lube, or a different kind of lube, and make sure you use condoms to prevent STI anxiety from freaking you out as much. And remember that you never have to have sex with someone you don't trust, or if you don't feel 100% comfortable with the risk, or if it hurts, or for any other reason.

[pixiecat]

Hi pixiecat,

If you're having unusual discharge with a strong odor or weird color, then it's time to check in with a healthcare provider to see what's going on (you can read about why that is here: Honorably Discharged: A Guide to Vaginal Secretions )

As far as the pain goes, one possibility is that you're feeling tense or anxious during intercourse. Would you say you feel relaxed during the process, or do you find yourself getting anxious?

I'd also suggest that you and he get STI tests done as soon as you can to make sure neither of you needs to be treated for one. Too, now if the time to start using condoms (were you using some method of birth control, like the pill, in these first few instances of sex? )

hey sam,
i was relaxed throughout the whole thing and i'm not on any birth control pills. but he does pull out and jerk off out of the range of my vagina before he cums.. (tmi sorry)

i would gladly test for STIs, but i'm underage.. so even if i want to get tested, they might call my parents and inform them if i have anything wrong down there. and plus, medical bills. it would be pretty hard for me to pay for the bills on my own without informing my parents.

[pixiecat]

First off, if your boyfriend lied to you about something that was important to you and violated your trust, that's a big relationship red flag. I think it's worth it to talk to your boyfriend about why he gave you wrong information and how that made you feel. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, and that includes being able to trust your partner.

As for the issue: only a doctor can say, but it could be something that is not an STI but instead a yeast infection - I get them sometimes after sex and they cause similar symptoms. Your best bet is to tell your mom that something hasn't been feeling right and you want to see a gynecologist, then ask the gyno to screen for anything that could cause this kind of pain and discharge.

You may not have any actual condition - you could just be sore from sex that was too rough without enough lube, and stressing about the possibility of an STI is making normal changes in discharge seem extra significant. In the future, try using lube, more lube, or a different kind of lube, and make sure you use condoms to prevent STI anxiety from freaking you out as much. And remember that you never have to have sex with someone you don't trust, or if you don't feel 100% comfortable with the risk, or if it hurts, or for any other reason.

hey,

i went to the doctor and they gave me a fluconazole pill. but after i took it, i don't see much change in me except that i just have more discharge than usual..

i'm just afraid to tell my mom because she is definitely going to scream at me for having sex (protected or not). if i told her that i want to see a doctor about it, she would keep asking me questions about it and i'm not very comfortable with telling her about it. and another thing, i'm actually underaged.. and i'm not sure about the gynae's policies whether they might inform the PD (?). besides that, my mom is a single parent, and she's paying for everything so if i actually went to see the gynaecologist, the medical bills might be really expensive and hard for my mom to pay off. (i do work part time for my mom but i'm not very sure if it's enough).. thanks for the response though!!!

[Heather]

Can you go back to that same doctor you saw before?

Mind, you can also call any healthcare provider and ask about their confidentiality policies in advance of even making an appointment, let alone seeing them. So, you can call the GYN's office and just ask something like, "I'd like to make an appointment, but I am a young person living at home and am worried about my privacy. Can you tell me what your policies are about informing parents?" You can also ask them about options with payment.