Abuser up for parole
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
Abuser up for parole
Some of you guys know about the incident that happened back in 2009, the problems that has occurred with family members and of course my mental health. Pretty soon he will be up for parole in a few months and I am conflicted.For the most part I am fine with him being on parole, as I am at the point of my life where I do not think that he would have any effect on me. But, there are times where I think that if for some reason we met again, maybe I would get involved again. Yet I know that is a crazy thought, a bad idea since he was the one that manipulated me and it was not on me. I want to go the hearing, I feel like going would give closure since I was not at there when he plead guilty. I do not know whether I should just be there or also speak. If I do speak what do I say? I have put it out of my mind for so many years that I do not know what I think about what happened anymore.
~Lillian
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snailshell
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Re: Abuser up for parole
Is there someone you could talk to who could advise you - a lawyer, victim's advocate, officer, or another professional who is familiar with the case and could work with you to get the information you need and make the best decision for you?
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Heather
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Re: Abuser up for parole
Lily, it's so good to see you again. It always is, though I'm sorry it's for this reason. I hope you're doing well otherwise. I think of you often. 
You know, I don't think it's crazy to be worried you might get involved with this person again (especially given the family relation), or, more to the point, that they could manipulate you again. I think that is a common thing to feel uncertain about with someone who engaged in the kind of abuse this person did with you, and certainly the kind of manipulation.
I think the best place to start with this would be to first just go ahead and respect that you want to go to the hearing, and you certainly have the right to. As far as speaking or not, if you did, what would you WANT to say? And do you think he should get parole or not? Most often, people speaking at parole hearings are speaking expressly about if someone should or should not be given parole.
I also want to make sure that you know there are some things you can do for your own protection if he does get it. For instance, you could probably get an order of protection that assures he has to keep his distance from you. That may also be something you could request if you do go to the parole hearing, and your victim's advocate from back when (assuming they are still working) could fill you in more on that and if that's an option.
You know, I don't think it's crazy to be worried you might get involved with this person again (especially given the family relation), or, more to the point, that they could manipulate you again. I think that is a common thing to feel uncertain about with someone who engaged in the kind of abuse this person did with you, and certainly the kind of manipulation.
I think the best place to start with this would be to first just go ahead and respect that you want to go to the hearing, and you certainly have the right to. As far as speaking or not, if you did, what would you WANT to say? And do you think he should get parole or not? Most often, people speaking at parole hearings are speaking expressly about if someone should or should not be given parole.
I also want to make sure that you know there are some things you can do for your own protection if he does get it. For instance, you could probably get an order of protection that assures he has to keep his distance from you. That may also be something you could request if you do go to the parole hearing, and your victim's advocate from back when (assuming they are still working) could fill you in more on that and if that's an option.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Re: Abuser up for parole
I plan on calling the victims center to get details later. I do not think that I would need an order of protection, I feel safe if he gets out. It is not for a couple months so I am not majorly concerned, I just know I want to be there but whether to speak or not is the issue. But I have time to think about that.
~Lillian
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Sam W
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Re: Abuser up for parole
Hi lily,
It sounds like you already have a pretty strong sense of what you can do around this to get support, which is awesome. Hopefully the victims center can get you all the information you need. And if you need support, be that a sounding board or a place to weigh your options around speaking, we're happy to provide a space for you to do that.
It sounds like you already have a pretty strong sense of what you can do around this to get support, which is awesome. Hopefully the victims center can get you all the information you need. And if you need support, be that a sounding board or a place to weigh your options around speaking, we're happy to provide a space for you to do that.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Re: Abuser up for parole
Agree on the comment above. Consult with a lawyer about it. Maybe there's still away for a restraining order after he gets out in prison. There are free legal advice online like (link redacted). And its good also to talk with groups that you can rely on.