Nothing wrong with being a Sub?

[Jellowl]

Hello!
I've been thinking about what I like and what turns me on when I'm being intimate with my boyfriend. It seems that I like being a little submissive when it comes down to it. I talked it over with my boyfriend and he says he's into me being submissive because he likes being the one in charge. Huge relief for me. We've done a few things like holding me down, hair pulling, from behind and some light choking. It's really exciting and new for me and I love it.

But, because of how culture looks at being submissive as a bad thing I can't help but feel a little ashamed about my likes. I feel like if the wrong person found out I was a little bit of a sub I would be looked at differently or given unwanted advancements. It's a slight fear of mine. I'm usually very shy and innocent looking to my friends and as far as I know, no one suspects my interests. Bottom line is: it's normal for people to be turned on by different things, right? I shouldn't feel ashamed about this? It's not like I make it part of my daily life; I'm not some 24/7 'yes master' kind of gal, I just like it when we use it to spice things up a little.

Thanks for the advice,
Have a nice day

[Sam W]

Hi Jellowl,

You hit it on the nose when you said people get turned on by different things. As long as you're being consensual and taking appropriate safety steps (I generally caution against breath-play, as that can go wrong very easily, especially for people who are just starting out), there's nothing wrong with enjoying being a sub. Are there people who, if they found out, would treat you differently? Probably. But there are people who will do that with just about any facet of sexuality, so try not to let the thought of it get in the way of you enjoying and exploring your sexuality.

If you're interested, the website Autostraddle has two series called "view from the top" and "bottoms up" from authors talking about various elements of BDSM.