Performance anxiety and worries

[Jk2911]

When my first sexual experience wasnt really good or pleasurable, as I lost my erection before penetration.
I now have a hard time moving on from kissing, cuddling, snuggling, messing around to the real thing, because now i am anxious and fearful of happening it again.
I have had chances to have sex but because of those fears I havent done the next step to have sex, just remained cuddling and stuff.
Any advice to beat these anxieties and fears to take the step to sex and even If I would insist sex and it goes flaccid what should I do, just do oral or something?

[Eddie C]

Hello there, Jk. Welcome to Scarleteen!

It could be really helpful to understand that sex is not a performance. It is not something we do and either we succeed or we fail, or something we do "well" but instead something we enjoy. Also, stop framing intercourse as "the real thing" could help even more. Kissing, cuddling and snuggling, are real too and just as important as intercourse can be. The more we think about intercourse as the "ultimate goal", the more pressure we put to ourselves. Pressure we do NOT need at all.

Sex is more than just a physical act, and emotions have lots to do with it. If we are stressed, scared or worried about something, it can be really hard to get or stay aroused.

We have a good article about this subject that you might find useful: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gende ... ting_it_up

Why don't you give it a try and after that we can talk some more if you want.

[Jk2911]

I read it and it was helpful . Any advice more? Can porn have its part?(porn-induced erectile dysfunction)

[Sam W]

Using porn frequently can sometimes lead to your brain or body getting stuck in a rut (in other words it's a little bored), which could decrease arousal, although that generally happens more with masturbation than partnered sex. As Edith mentioned above, the most likely culprit here is what's going on for you emotionally and mentally in those moments, so finding ways to address that anxiety is a good starting place.