I'm a homeschooler with social anxiety and I think I have Aspergers (I haven't yet been diagnosed but my family has pretty much accepted it due to my behavior).
There is a homeschool group for teens coming up and I want to go just so I can make some friends since I don't have any. But I also REALLY don't want to go because of my social anxiety. How do I socialize with people I don't know and who likely know everyone else there unlike me who knows no one? Honestly, it's not so much the rejection I'm afraid (even though I still am), it's the fact that I have NO IDEA what to say. Not a clue. Even if I think of a subject, I have no idea where to go from there or if people will like what I'm saying or if I should say anything at all etc. etc. etc. etc.
I'm freaking out because, even though I don't have to go, I want to so I can make friends but I am super stressed out about what could happen. If I imagine myself in that situation, I can't see myself going anywhere from "Hi". I just imagine hell, a social hell. But I want friends. Wait, I take that back. I NEED friends. I'm so f*cking lonely and I hate it but I also hate making friends and socializing. It's utterly horrible. So I think if I know HOW to socialize, maybe it'll make it easier.
BTW, I'm 16 and I would describe myself as a geeky/hipster type. I don't know.
How Do I Socialize
-
jackojacko2000
- not a newbie
- Posts: 26
- Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:01 pm
- Age: 24
- Primary language: English
- Location: Australia
-
Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: How Do I Socialize
Hi Jackojacko,
As someone who has dealt with social anxiety, I feel you on how stressful an event like this can be.
I have two suggestions to start with. The first is to focus less on coming up with things to say and more on asking people questions. That gives you a chance to learn about them and feel them out, and (generally speaking) people like to be asked about things they do or are interested in. Make sense?
Another approach that might help is, for this first event, focus on meeting/talking to as many people as you can rather than on trying to befriend them. Now, if you and another person happen to click and spend the whole time talking that's 100% cool. But treating the event as a chance to meet a lot of new, cool people can help take the "must meet new close friends right now" pressure off of your brain.
As someone who has dealt with social anxiety, I feel you on how stressful an event like this can be.
I have two suggestions to start with. The first is to focus less on coming up with things to say and more on asking people questions. That gives you a chance to learn about them and feel them out, and (generally speaking) people like to be asked about things they do or are interested in. Make sense?
Another approach that might help is, for this first event, focus on meeting/talking to as many people as you can rather than on trying to befriend them. Now, if you and another person happen to click and spend the whole time talking that's 100% cool. But treating the event as a chance to meet a lot of new, cool people can help take the "must meet new close friends right now" pressure off of your brain.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
jackojacko2000
- not a newbie
- Posts: 26
- Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 10:01 pm
- Age: 24
- Primary language: English
- Location: Australia
Re: How Do I Socialize
Thanks so much, but how do I start off a conversation? I don't know how to just jump in, especially if everyone else is already in the group and I just jump in without any announcement or plan. It's a little easier when I am there to do something, but this group just seems like a time to "hang out".
-
Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: How Do I Socialize
You're welcome 
There's no perfect way to jump in to a conversation. One thing I'd recommend is that when you're introducing yourself to people, casually mention that this is your first time coming to this event. You can also ask people how they found out about the group, where they're from, or what things they like to do outside of school.
There's no perfect way to jump in to a conversation. One thing I'd recommend is that when you're introducing yourself to people, casually mention that this is your first time coming to this event. You can also ask people how they found out about the group, where they're from, or what things they like to do outside of school.And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
Alice O
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 326
- Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2016 10:13 pm
- Age: 31
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm really good at taking naps.
- Primary language: Engish
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: hetero
- Location: New York City
Re: How Do I Socialize
Hi Jackojacko2000,
Hope it's ok that I'm chiming in. Totally agree with Sam W's ideas. Also wanted to add, it is always an option to mention that you are feeling anxious. I know sometimes for me naming a feeling out loud, as opposed to holding it in and trying to cover it up, can help me to relax a bit...It's definitely harder to do when you are with new people, but I've found many people appreciate the honesty!
This is of course up to you, you aren't in any way obligated to give them a peek into your innermost feelings, especially not knowing how they will respond. But if you think sharing a--"I'm feeling a bit nervous" or a "bear with me, I sometimes feel anxious when I'm meeting new people"--it's an option.
Hope it's ok that I'm chiming in. Totally agree with Sam W's ideas. Also wanted to add, it is always an option to mention that you are feeling anxious. I know sometimes for me naming a feeling out loud, as opposed to holding it in and trying to cover it up, can help me to relax a bit...It's definitely harder to do when you are with new people, but I've found many people appreciate the honesty!
This is of course up to you, you aren't in any way obligated to give them a peek into your innermost feelings, especially not knowing how they will respond. But if you think sharing a--"I'm feeling a bit nervous" or a "bear with me, I sometimes feel anxious when I'm meeting new people"--it's an option.