My mother thought I was being abused

[Jellowl]

Hey there,

I have an issue that I found both embarassing and very upsetting. My boyfriend and I have been experimenting with hickies in different places like my sides because they're less likely to be seen than on my neck; like all hickies, it leaves a bruise-like spot. To add on to this, my boyfriend was trying to be romantic and carry me into bed but he dropped my by accident (whoops) and it left a large bruise on my behind.

However, my mother noticed these bruises and was very shocked, asking if he had abused me in anyway, pushing harder when I explained that this was not the case. I told her about the bruise on my behind, but the ones on my side I said were from my work belt (it's embarassing to say they were hickies). I'm less embarassed that she found them but more upset that she'd believe my boyfriend would do such a thing; he is NOT that type of guy. I thought I'd share this with my boyfriend and he was understandably upset too.

Now my boyfriend thinks my mother hates him and that he IS an abusive boyfriend. I told him that he was in no way abusive yet he still seems crushed. How should I smooth things out between my mother misreading the situation and my boyfriend feeling terrible? It's such a complicated thing...

Thanks in advance,
Hope you have a nice day

[Karyn]

Hi Jellowl.

This does sound like a tricky situation to be in. At this point though I'm not sure there's much else you can do beyond continuing to reassure your mother that your boyfriend is not abusive, and remind your boyfriend that nothing he's done is in any way abusive at all.

If you want to bring this up with your mom again to try to clarify things, I'm happy to help you brainstorm some ways to get that conversation started if you'd like.