I feel like I'm lying every time we have sex…

[Scottch]

Back, again, with another I-can't-feel-anything thread.

It's been a while since I last posted. My partner and I have tried a lot more in the bedroom together: we've tried different positions for anal, he's managed to get 2 fingers inside me (and bring me to orgasm from it - FTM here so talking about the frontal plumbing) and we've attempted PIV sex several times (with no success and lots of pain).

My issue, however, is still this: I don't feel anything during sex. I know I'm capable of feeling because, as mentioned, I can orgasm from being fingered alone. But I am far, far too tightly wound for PIV - we're slowly easing our way there but progress is slow, and honestly I'm not sure we'll ever reach a point where he'll be able to enter me without there being pain.
So we do anal, instead. Which frankly I'm more comfortable with anyway, from a gender POV. But I just don't feel anything with anal. It doesn't hurt, but it doesn't feel good either. And (unfortunately for me, in this case) my partner has some serious stamina. He's gone a good 30 minutes before and only stopped because he exhausted himself, rather than because we both finished. It would be great if sex was in any way enjoyable - but it's not. So it's 30 minutes of me having the air punched out of me by a dick, and resorting to giving him hickeys so I don't get bored. If I try to get myself off (awkward, because angles, and he doesn't help) I orgasm (clitoral) within a minute and then feel nothing again - just this time 100x sleepier.

It's really putting me off sex, and I feel bad that I'm dodging it all the time because I love making him happy and exploring our sexualities together, and he's so attractive in bed to me. I want so badly to have that intimate connection with him, but it's just not happening.

I should probably add that 2/3 fingers are about his girth. He's about 5-6" and narrow, so not sure if it's just the shape of him that means sex feels more like being prodded in the stomach than actual intercourse. I don't even need foreplay to take him so long as there's lube. :/

Please help guys. I've been and seen doctors and everything to ensure there's nothing anatomically wrong. I just want to enjoy sex together, and it's really knocking my confidence and mental well being that I can't do this basic human thing.

[Karyn]

Hi again, Scottch.

I have a feeling that this isn't going to be the answer you're looking for, but as Heather mentioned in your other thread, not everyone enjoys every single kind of sex, and it might just be - whether it's right now or always - that anal sex isn't something that's going to be all that great for you. It can be so frustrating to want something so badly and feel like our body isn't cooperating, but unfortunately that's the way it goes sometimes. There's nothing wrong with you, and this doesn't mean you are a failure at sex at all: everyone has sexual activities that feel good to them, other activities that don't, and some that don't feel like much of anything. Having a unique body that responds differently to different things doesn't make you broken, it makes you very, very human.

However, reading your last thread, it does sound like there are several other kinds of sex that you both enjoy, so for the time being at least I'd suggest sticking to what does feel good for both of you. Focusing on what doesn't feel good is - as you've discovered - kind of a bummer: focusing on what you do enjoy and what is fun and pleasurable is likely to be much more satisfying for both of you.