STD risk

[Gurl93]

Hi
First i want to thank you a lot for helpling me with my pregnancy scare (still a bit worried but i got my period last week or so, so that's ok).

Ok I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We had sex 8 months into the relationship (condom and no eyaculation) then we had sex another 2 times (not for long, also no eyaculation and with condom) yes, 3 times in 2 years!!

And we had oral sex (that maybe 10 times each) BUT without protection.. and I swallowed his sperm!! I have never felt sick, I've haven't seen warts or anything in his body or mine (sometimes I get itchy down there when I'm ovulating or about to get my period.. but I have ALWAYS been like that)

I'm ashamed to test myself.. I know I should.. but I also feel guilty for being sexual.. I'm not ready to talk about it. (That's why I've barely had sex )

Do you think I could have an STD? I know you're not a magic ball or anything like that.. but could I have shown syntims if I had something ? It's been about 2 years ..

The reason u ask is because I'm worried... I think my relationship has come to an end.And I was a vIrgun when I met him, I thought he was the one. And now I feel all over the place.

[Sam W]

Hi Gurl93,

Unprotected oral sex does pose a risk of STI transmission. And because the most common symptom of certain STIs is no symptom at all, the only for sure way to know is to get tested. Testing can feel intimidating if you've never done it before, but we've got this article to help guide you through it: Testing, Testing... . And a good clinic and healthcare provider will not shame you for being sexual and wanting to take care of yourself. Does that all make sense?

[Gurl93]

Thanks. I guess it makes sense.. but I really don't feel comfortable with it.
Sorry for bothering.

[Gurl93]

Are hiv chances high? Through oral ?

[Sam W]

Feeling uncomfortable about testing is pretty common, especially given how much stigma we still attach to people being sexual. Can I ask what in particular makes you feel uncomfortable with the idea?

As for which things can be transmitted, this article is really helpful: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

[Gurl93]

I'm ashamed because I promised myself I would only have one partner and that would be my husband. I was waited no till marriage. Although I don't completely regret it.. I think it freed myself a bit.. like being able to tell myself (I own me, I can make decisions.. ) but still I feel upset I broke my own promise. I thought he was the one. And now I feel alone.. and I'm scared I'm not completely alone. I'm scared this relationship left me with and std that's incurable it might kill me. I've never seen anything weird in him, and he's pretty sure he doesn't have an std.. but I know I can't take his word just like that (not like he has ever lied or been mean to me, in the contrary. Braking up is my choice ). I used to be scared about getting pregnant and ruining my life. Now I'm more scared about being killer by an std.

[Sam W]

It sounds like you have a lot of really rough emotions right now. I think one thing that might help is to do what you can to forgive yourself for the choice you made, or make peace with it. You made the choice you thought was right based on how you were feeling. It just so happens that this relationship didn't end up lasting. That doesn't make the choice to have sex during it inherently bad. I also think it would be helpful for you to take some time and think about what your values and beliefs around sex are. Right now it sounds like there's a lot of conflict, and taking time to think about (or even right out) what feels right to you could help you resolve some of those feelings.

With the STIs, it might help to get a more realistic picture of what most STIs cause. Many can have severe effects if left untreated. But most are curable and those that aren't curable are manageable (for instance, there are lots of people living happy, fulfilled lives who also happen to have Herpes). You can read about various STIs here: STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes . Really though, if you're worried you have an STI, the only way to resolve that worry is to go and get tested. If you'd like, we can help you find some testing resources near you.

[Gurl93]

Agr I'm so stressed out!!!
He'll get tested tomorrow. Do you know how long it usually takes to get the results back ?
I'm super scared we might be infected.. specially with hiv !!!!!!!!! (I read is low risk through oral in your article is that true?? Still super freaking out. I don't want to die! )

If he tests positive I'll test myself (he only had another sexual partner.. and the never had oral and always used condoms.. once or twice it broke with them but they stopped before he came.. or so he says ! I wasn't there so I can't be sure!!!!) and I also have to figure out how to tell my family.. and also see how I can get money to pay my tuition (I'm investing in it right now and if I'm sick I'll loose it )

[Redskies]

Per the stress and worry, you're really going to need to simply take care of yourself as best you can while you're waiting: try Self-Care a La Carte for some suggestions and helps with that.

With STI testing, it's best for each person to get tested: a partner's results can't tell you your own STI status.

I do want to put in a few factual things here about the way you're talking about HIV and death. While HIV is a serious thing and nobody should shrug about it, it's not correct to think of HIV as an automatic death sentence. The reality now for many HIV-positive people is taking lifelong daily medication and managing some side-effects, making lifestyle and health changes, dealing with greater complexity with any other health conditions, and getting on with living their life for a whole bunch of years while they do those things. In places where healthcare is available and accessible - and in places where it generally isn't but which do have HIV treatment programmes - HIV treatments do a good job of keeping the HIV virus under control for very many people.