Menstruation: Shame or No Shame?

[Heather]

There's been some nicely renewed talk about menstruation -- or more to the point, talk about talking about it -- on and around the 'net lately.

So, where are you at with this yourself? Are periods and menstruation something you feel able to talk about without shame, the same way you'd talk about other body functions, like say, salivating, breathing or digestion? Or not?

And in your life, if menstruation has a part in it (be it your own or someone else's), is it also something you feel like you can and do deal with like other body functions or like you can't, and it's something you feel ashamed of in some way?

(Btw, not making any assumptions here about, for instance, someone wanting some or all of menstruation to be private meaning they must be ashamed, or only wanting to talk about it with others with the same kinds of boundaries a person might want when talking about say, a general health problem or issue meaning someone must be ashamed. I'm figuring you're all smart enough to have a sense of when what you are feeling is shame or not!)

[Infinitea]

I've never been shy about discussing bodily functions, menstruation included, but I remember in high school realizing that this was something I was expected to hide from male counterparts and, not wanting to break social norms, I found myself slipping into euphemisms and whispers instead of talking about periods freely. I realized that this was something I was supposed to be ashamed of and hide from those that didn't have a uterus, lest they be revolted... or something. I don't know that I ever bought into the shame factor whole heartily but it certainly fed shame I already felt about my body and sexuality in general and kept me from talking and learning from other people's experiences.

I don't know when exactly that stopped but at some point decided that I wasn't going to let arbitrary norms about who was and wasn't ok to discuss periods with dictate my conversations, and man I'm glad I did. I think giving myself the freedom to talk about menstruation also gave me the freedom to be more comfortable with it. Much like with Voldemort, fear of the name (or in this case the talk of periods) only increases fear of the thing itself.

So these days I would say I'm shame free when it comes to periods. I have boundaries about what I'll say, where and to whom, the same as I would for discussion of any bodily function, but none of that derives from pressure to hide something "gross" about myself or shame about what my body does. If anything, these days I'm fascinated to hear about the varied and crazy things our reproductive organs do.

[Sam W]

I would say that I'm at much the same point Infinitea is. When I use euphemisms or otherwise dance around the subject of menstruation has more to do with the company I'm in than how I feel about those functions (perfectly normal although sometimes extremely aggravating is how I feel about them). I used to be much more self conscious about it, due to having the cycle from hell during middle school (two weeks of heavy bleeding, too-small gaps between periods, etc. Turned out it was PCOS). For a long time, period meant a sudden uptick in my anxiety and the worry that I would have visible blood stains in front of people. My parents, to their credit, have never made menstruation something icky or taboo, so even during the periods from hell I felt like I could at least talk to them and ask for help.

Nowadays, much of my time is spent around either hippies or sex educators, both of whom are not shy about discussing periods. This definitely helped me feel more comfortable discussing them with others. When everyone is swapping diva cups stories in the kitchen, it helps remind you that this is not something to be ashamed of.

[bigbywolf]

I'm happy to talk with someone else about their period and share advice and similar things, but I wouldn't ever bring up my own period and when I have sexual partners I feel hugely guilty for having a period. I know this isn't right though and ok trying to figure out how to cut myself some slack because I know it's nothing shameful at all.

[ratperson]

My mom made periods a shameful subject because she was raised to talk about bodily functions only in private and use code words for them. However, once I started developing reproductive issues, read up on them, and found out how common they are, I changed my perception about talking about them. I won't mention them around guys because generally they aren't comfortable with the idea and since my 'adventures' are like the typical period x1000, I don't want to gross them out or scare them off. If a girl asks for tips for pain relief, etc., I'll help her, and I'll talk freely about my issues to close friends who don't mind, but if they're even slightly grossed out I minimize my issues to avoid bothering them.

The only exception to the men-rule is my boyfriend, because he's always been very curious about it and welcomes new information. He helps me monitor my cycles and talks me through the worst of the pain, celebrates the start of each period (as starting it means I'll finish sooner!) and celebrates the end even more as it means the end of suffering until my next bleed (I'm on hormonal birth control, so it's relatively predictable). If he could attend my doctor appointments, I think he would. ^-^ He's wonderfully caring.

However, I have some form of shame/dysphoria around my period, mostly because it's uncomfortable and I have a lot of pain much of the time. I'm not afraid of the blood, but the idea that I possess an organ that I don't wish to use for its primary biological function and which causes me pain each month (which is why I enjoyed having no period this month, though that might've been a one-time situation) makes me very uncomfortable. My goal is to either have a surgery rendering me infertile or a hysterectomy within the next few years; the first would alleviate much of my period-related anxiety and the second would fix it entirely. I'm an extreme case, though.