I love my boyfriend.. But I think I want to be with a girl

[Taylor18]

Okay.. I love my boyfriend so so much. We live together due to family troubles on my side and we have two dogs together. I do love him and I know if I had to leave him it would tear my heart apart and I love his family and our dogs. I don't want to lose what we have but I've felt so conflicted recently. I feel like sometimes he neglects my feeling and does shady stuff and then gets mad at me for addressing it- I know he only does it because he's hurt I don't completely trust him though... nonetheless before I got with him I was strictly looking for a female to date because I know I had wanted a girlfriend during a past relationship, but then my current boyfriend came along. I'm scared if I leave him I'll regret it and get extremely depressed. (I have bad depression and anxiety) I feel like the passion in our relationship is lacking as of late but I guess it's just because we've been together for quite awhile. (8 months) Either way I just feel so confused it hurts. I want to be truly happy but I do love him so much. I'm bisexual so I am attracted to him but I feel like I just really really want to be with a girl. I've never had lesbian sex but I know how much I crave it. The one strongest relationship I had with a girl was long distance and sometimes I still miss her, but I think I just cling onto how strong my feelings were and how she made me feel. It's not that my current boyfriend doesn't make me feel loved, but it's almost uncomparable. Please help me and give me advice. I'll probably post this in a user forum as well to try to hear personal expierences.. I just wish this was easy and I knew exactly what to do. Sometimes I hate being bi because if I was just attracted to one gender life would be so much easier.. I'm going to pride this weekend and I'm scared it will just make me more conflicted but I want to find what feels right. Ugh sorry for rambling all of this has just been sitting on my chest for awhile now.

[Sam W]

Hi Taylor,

It sounds like you've got a lot of tough emotions crashing into each other right now. You mention he sometimes does shady stuff. What does that usually involve? You also mention feeling like the passion is gone recently. It is common for the initial feelings of passion and excitement to fade after a little while as the relationship becomes less novel, but that doesn't mean long-term relationships are totally lacking in passion. Do you feel like there's another source of the decrease?

[Taylor18]

Like one time I opened a video from a girl on his snapchat and it was a nude. There was no context and he didn't ask for it so I decided to just trust him.. & then he came back home from work an hour late (and I know when he got out because his friend called the store because we were waiting for him) and he was alone at his work with a girl, all while ignoring my calls. The passion has faded in both our sex and how he treats me. He has sweet moments but sometimes I think to myself "I'd treat a girl so much better than this."

[Sam W]

Got it. Have the two of you talked about how you're noticing the passion is gone? If so, how did that talk go?

[Taylor18]

Yeah we did he just got moody, rolled over, and fell asleep.

[Taylor18]

I just talked to him again about it and he said he's not a passionate person. And he tries to be with me. I understand that because he's kind of an emotionless person. It still feels like something's missing or fading idk what.

[Heather]

Let's try and center this on you: what do YOU want at this point?

Is this a relationship you want to stay in as a sexual and/or romantic relationship? Or one you'd prefer to have as a platonic friendship + housemate? Or not be in in any way at all?

What scenario for you and your life, when you picture it, feels like it would be the best fit for you now? If you imagine your ideal scenario, what does it look like? What is and isn't part of it?