I need help, please.

[hedjoss]

Hello, Scarleteen, long time no see.

This is a desperate action, asking for some help and peace of mind, so this is my story.

(NOTE: english isn't my mother language, so I want to apologize for my grammar.)

I am a 19 years old guy, all this started when I was 18. I started living alone in another city, where I go to college. I met a girl like 4 months after I change hometowns, we became couple and everything start when we decide to have sex. The first time was our "first time" too, so we started, everything normal, but I couldn't sustain an erection so there wasn't an intercourse, even tho I was wearing a condom, after we tried we just lay down and I took off the condom and I throw it to the floor, after a few minutes I decide to put some clothe on, after we clothe up I grab the condom and check it, in the room was no good light but I notice some fluid inside the condom, the fluid was in a big quantity like a semen load. Now this part is a tricky one because I don't remember if the fluid was white (semen) or just pre-cum, I repeat, there wasn't a lot of light in the room and it happened in the night. I didn't put a lot of importance so I just threw away the condom. That same night when I was about to sleep in my house, I start to remember what happened and there is where everything starts, I freakout by pre-cum in my fingers, I thought
that she could be pregnant, so I call her in that moment, so she said that there is not need to worry about but still, she took a pill the next day. I didn't know what to think, I was stressful everyday, I had anxiety, but two weeks after she had her period, IT WAS WONDERFUL.

The thing is that everytime we had intimacy was by law that I got stressful after that, till she had her next period.
But after some time I was so obsessed that even her period wasn't enough prove that she wasn't pregnant as I started to research in the internet, and OMG I found a LOT of things. Those things marked me, I'm talking about CRYPTIC PREGNANCY, how women were pregnant and didn't knew until labor.
I got shocked by that, so I was feeling like hell, I wasn't knew what to think.
Then I remember that thing in the condom from the first time, so I assumed that was semen, so, I had a new question "did I ejaculate and I didn't noticed it?, I mean, I didn't feel anything" so from there to the present I'm concerned by that.

After some time we broke up, she was tired of my situation.

I change houses, where I have a roomie but now, how I started thinking that I can shoot semen loads without even noticing I became an "impregnate machine" that if my penis is outside my clothe can shoot you a load and BOOM you're pregnant now, so recently that's what I'm concerned about. I have this thoughts where if I'm wearing some shorts and my penis find a way out of my underwear it can shoot to my roomie and if she have trousers broken in the crotch and her underwear isn't covering well her vulva then the semen could land there and BOOM she's pregnant, I will have to take care of her and the baby and I will not finish my career.

I have looking for information anywhere but I can't find anything. What I found was SPERMATORRHEA and INVOLUNTARY/SPONTANEOUS EJACULATION and I don't mean ejaculation while sleeping, I mean semen ejaculation while awake. Now I don't know if that two things are the same, because spermatorrhea is semen LEAKAGE from the penis, but spontaneous ejaculation I understand it as semen shoot as a normal ejaculation.

Now, after all this, you will need to know if I have some psycological help, and the answer is yes, I started going to a psychiatrist where he gave me fluoxetine (Prozac), but basically there wasn't a helping chat, I just percibe that he believe that the pills will make the trick and I didn't feel it that way. I was diagnosed with OCD in the first medical consultation. After some months he release me and I stopped taking the pills but everything returns, now I go to a psychologist, where she told me that I never had OCD, just anxiety disorder, I do exercises and I started taking homeopathic medicine.

But even like that I don't feel peace yet, so, I appeal to Scarleteen for information, any data of spermatorrhea or spontaneous ejaculation would be a big help.

Feel free to ask.

Thank you, Scarleteen.

[Heather]

Before we interact, I would like you to check with your current mental healthcare provider about how they would like you to use our services (or not), so as to support your treatment and their plan for it.

After all, interacting like this can be something that triggers anxiety, or is counter to the plan you currently have to help you manage it. You can even just show them this page and what you posted to give them an idea of what you're doing here, so they can advise you how to use this site without making your anxiety worse or getting in the way of your treatment and management plans,