Will I remain a virgin forever?

[Afte.rmath]

Hello, I do not know if this is the right place to post it, because I'm new here, and I found this site through r/sex on Reddit.

I am a 15 year old boy, and I fear I will remain alone forever. I'm ugly, and I have a genetic disorder called NF1. If you do not know what that is, you can google it or look it up on wikipedia. Thankfully, I have one of the mildest cases, which means I don't have any harmful symptoms. I only have the spots. Not only that, but I also was unfortunately born with a slightly inward chest called "pectus excavatum". So it makes me look even worse. To top it all off, I'm really short!

So now I'm quite sad to know that I'm probably going to end up alone forever. No one even really likes me more than an acquaintance.

Am I overreacting? What do I do?

[Sam W]

Hi Afte.rmath,

It's not that you're overreacting necessarily, as having a body that some people don't see as "normal" or that doesn't match a lot of cultural notions about attractiveness can hurt your self-esteem. But what is happening is that you're overgeneralizing: because you haven't met someone who's attracted to you yet, the mean part of your brain is trying to convince you that you never will. Odds are, you will meet someone (and likely several someones) who are attracted both to your body and to you as a person, because human attraction is way more varied than we give it credit for. That's not to say there won't be people who reject you based on your looks, you're not doomed to be alone forever. Does that all make sense?

[Afte.rmath]

It does make sense. I know that there is a possibility that I'll find someone someday, but for some reason, I always end up saying to myself that I'll never find anyone. Maybe all I have to do is try a little harder.

As for the looks, I don't know how I could improve on that, though, I don't know anyone who would rate me more than a 5.

[Onionpie]

Hey Afte.rmath. I understand how tough it must be to feel that nobody is, or ever will be, attracted to you. But -- and I don't mean this in a patronizing way at all, simply that you haven't experienced it yet -- you will come to find that the world outside of high school is much bigger than we can ever really conceptualize when we're not there yet. Even the concept of "rating" people's attractiveness just loses a whole lot of meaning (if not all of it) for the majority of people.

I know it's no help to hear that right now, when you're still IN high school and there's nothing you can do about that -- but do know that as you grow older and go out into the world, it only expands, it doesn't shrink. You will meet a huge amount of people, and so varied, and narrow-minded judgement based on looks becomes white noise. Of course, some people remain assholes, but then they're not the kind of people you'd want to date anyway so that's no loss for you.

As for the here and now, you can do some things to try to expand your social circle if you'd like -- joining clubs and other group activities is an excellent way of going about that. Are you currently in any clubs at school? Volunteering for organizations that interest you is another great way of meeting new people to get along with.

But in the long run, meeting people who you are attracted to, and who are attracted to you, takes time and luck. It will happen, I can tell you that for sure. When your nasty brain weasels tell you that you'll never meet anyone who will love you? Give 'em a good slap from me. Tell them they're wrong. Every time they say it, shoot them down. It takes practice, but countering your negative self-talk can really help boost your self-esteem and diminish the amount of nasty brain weasel comments overall.

[Afte.rmath]

Thank you, Onionpie.

I'm trying my best not to let my own brain destroy me, and I am also trying to meet people inside and outside of school.

[Sam W]

It's awesome that you're taking chances to meet people! That's a big step, and it can go a long way towards making you feel more comfortable in your own skin (plus being busy with things that interested can often shut the nasty part of your brain up). If at any point you're finding the nasty part of your brain is getting really strong, it's more than okay to call in a professional like a counselor to help you out.

[Afte.rmath]

Thank you for all the support!

[Sam W]

You're welcome!