Emotional Needs and Wants

[KaylaMOHS4]

Hi my name is Kayla and I am a sophmore in high school. I was wondering if it is normal to want to "play" with myself? I have never had a boyfriend before or even kissed anyone.I get this feeling a lot and was wondering if their might be any way to stop it as well, because sometimes it conflicts with my homework and classwork time.Also, a very big problem of mine is waiting til I am 16 to date like my parents told me to, when I am having these sorts of feelings. Do you believe they might get mad if I ask a guy to our 2nd biggest dance of the year? And I also want to ask this same guy that I want to ask to formal out, but do you believe I should wait until I am 16 or should I just go for it? Please I really need your help,
Best Regards,
Kayla

[thewrit3r]

Hi

First off, it's completely normal to masturbate. Many people do it at some point in their life (but if someone doesn't want to of course that's fine, too). The only time it would be concerning is if it got in the way of anything else you needed or wanted to do, and I did see you mention it conflicts with school at times. You could always try setting a specific time aside to masturbate so it doesn't interfere with schoolwork and you know you'll have time to do it. If that doesn't work, you might consider talking with someone if you feel you can't stop masturbating even when you need to do other things.

As far as dating, honestly it really is up to you when you want to date. Your parents may want you to date at a certain age but they can't make you wait, you're the only one responsible for your relationships. I would suggest maybe talking to them first, though, it would be easier if you didn't have to sneak around when dating and having an open relationship with your parents about dating could be really good for getting advice on anything you've ever wondered about that. But of course only you know your parents. Do you think you could have this conversation with your parents?

[Sam W]

Hi Kayla,

To add on to the good thoughts thewrit3r offered, I want to check: have your parents given you any sense of what would happen if you were to date before the age of 16? Would they simply be disappointed or would they actively punish you?

[KaylaMOHS4]

Hi Kayla,

To add on to the good thoughts thewrit3r offered, I want to check: have your parents given you any sense of what would happen if you were to date before the age of 16? Would they simply be disappointed or would they actively punish you?

My parents have given hints as to how they will punish me, including but not excluded to grounding until I move out of the house, homeschooling, so on and so forth... Do you have any recommendations as to deal with this?

[Sam W]

It may be that your best option is to hold out until you're 16 (since it looks like that's only a year away for you), given that some of those punishments sound pretty intense and long lasting. Although you have a better sense than I do as to whether they would actually follow through with those threats. You could also ask them if going to a dance with a boy counts as "dating" to them, since that's the specific thing you're interested in doing right now.