Internalized lgbtqphobia?

[wintergreen]

is "i have a crush on her and I know we are both teenagers but since it probably won't work out long term I don't want to pursue it even though we could probably have a really sweet high school romance but since we're probably matrimonially incompatible I don't want to start a relationship" something straight people do or is it only a gay emotion

Okay I phrased it kind of like a tumblr joke but what I'm asking is: Is it common for LGBTQ (Or specifically lesbian) teens to have a major crush on someone but not want to pursue it because it won't work out, so why do it? Because that sounds kind of like internalized lesbophobia to me but idk.

Also how do I ask a girl out without ruining our very real and very precious friendship?

[Sam W]

Hi wintergreen,

I can't speak to this much on a personal level (I didn't figure out I liked people other than dudes until after high school) but I think that thought process cuts across sexual orientations, especially given some of the cultural narratives people have around teenage relationships (they won't last, they're shallow, etc). I do think that the reasons for that thought process could vary depending on your sexual orientation, since the experiences of LGBTQ folks can add in factors that might not be present for straight people (for instance, one might think that added stressors like discrimination could take a toll on the relationship and end it, so it's better not to get into the relationship in the first place).

With asking your friend out, there's no way to completely remove the risk that this could end or alter your friendship. Your best bet is to be honest about your feelings and respectful of her reactions to them, even if the reactions aren't what you're hoping for. To make sure I'm not missing an important element here, do you know for certain if this friend also likes girls?

[wintergreen]

Thank you! I was wondering because I feel like there's an added pressure and self-examination about a lot of areas of one's life when they (me) are lgbtq+ (or at least L) and that kind of feels like it's stemming off from that feeling of sticking out a little more.

Yes. Well, I know she is pretty certain she liked girls and she's had dates with girls/crushes on girls. She herself isn't positive but I do know that she is pretty sure she likes girls.

!!! <3