My Boyfriend Doesn't Like Kissing Me....

[curly]

I have been dating this boy for only two weeks and we've made out twice. We are both very inexperienced when it comes to kissing so I have to admit that they weren't that great. But today he texted me and told me that he is not really into kissing and he thinks that when we do it it's forced. He even said "but I understand that kissing is a part of a relationship whether I like it or not" which only makes me think that he hates it even more...and I just don't understand why.
I don't want to sound like I am following a stereotype here, but he is a teenage boy (we're both seniors) and isn't sex like constantly on their minds?
Don't boys want to kiss their girlfriends all the time?
I understand that I am not a great kisser but can I really be that bad?
How can you have a relationship where you don't even kiss?

This is making me very upset and I don't know what to do

[Mo]

I'm sorry this is such an upsetting situation for you. It's true that it can take a while for two people to figure out how kissing works best for them, especially if they don't have a lot of experience. From what you've said here, though, it sounds like your boyfriend just isn't into it at all right now.

I do think it's important to keep in mind that not all teenage boys think about sex or sexual things all the time, and there are some people who are interested in some sexual things but not others (such as kissing or making out). If you want to know more about where he's coming from here, it's something you could ask about, but there really isn't anything you can - or should - do to try and change his mind. You can let him know that you'd like to try again if he is up for it, but at that point it's really up to him to bring it up again if he's interested.

I know he said to you that he sees kissing as part of a relationship whether he likes it or not, but even though it might be disappointing to you, I think it's important to take kissing off the table entirely for now. No one should feel like they have to do something intimate or sexual that they don't like in order to stay in a relationship, and knowing the person you're kissing isn't enjoying isn't likely to be enjoyable at all for you, either.

While a lot of people see kissing as a pretty standard or expected part of a romantic relationship, it isn't necessary; people might choose not to kiss a dating partner because they don't enjoy kissing, want to wait a certain amount of time or hit a certain milestone before kissing, or for some other reason entirely. Some of this comes down to how you and your boyfriend define a romantic relationship in the first place. We have an article about various kinds of intimacy that might be a helpful read, in case it gives you other ideas of ways to be close that aren't making out. It sounds like kissing is a pretty important part of this to you, and that's ok! It's fine to want that, and to only want to date people who are interested in kissing, but that might mean that you and your current boyfriend just aren't at a place where you're compatible to date right now. I think talking to him about this a bit more, to see where he's coming from and what you're both comfortable with right now, might be a good place to start.