I feel out of place

[garzaa2]

Hello,

I just wanted some advice about the current situation I am in. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for a couple of years now. Since my boyfriend and I starting having sex a couple of months ago (both first times), it was fine and romantic for the first couple of months. Now, I feel a bit different. Before we had sexual contact, I did not think I would be into having sex as much, but it is reversed. I feel as if I am the one wanting sexual contact, and most often initiate anything sexual. I feel really out of place and even awkward. I try to talk to him about the reason why he does this, but he just claims that of course he does and adds an extra excuse as to why he doesn't want to right now, like he is not in the mood. I just do not understand how to approach the problem anymore or even why I even have this problem, and do not how to move forward on this because I have to want sex in order for us to have it.

Thank you.

[Sam W]

Hi garzaa2,

It sounds like there are a few different things going on here. The first is that you and your boyfriend may have different sex drives, with you being interested in sex more frequently than he is. There's nothing wrong with that, and even in happy, healthy relationships it's unlikely that both partners will be perfectly in sync in terms of when they want sex. And if one partner generally has a higher interest in sex than the other, than that first partner may be the one who initiates sex more often. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with that dynamic, although you say it's making you feel awkward. Can you give me a more detailed idea of what about the situation makes it awkward for you?

Something else that may be happening is that, from your description, the timing of the conversations you two have about this topic may be off. Does this subject only come up once you've initiated sex and he's no interested? Or have you brought it up at other times as well? Too, I'd also caution you against thinking of the reasons he's not interested in sex in a given moment as, "excuses." There are lots of factors that effect someone's sex drive, so try as much as you can to take him at his word for why he isn't interested rather than telling yourself he is making excuses.