Is what he did wrong??

[erin9790]

Hi,

This is my first time posting. I have a question about a guy I'm dating.

I'm confused about whether something he did was wrong or not. He is otherwise a really kind, thoughtful, sweet guy which is largely why I'm confused.

One day we were kissing (making out) in the car in public and his hands travelled a bit too far. I pushed his hand away but he continued. I did it because 1) we were in public and I was conscious of the strangers outside and 2) I didn't want to rush into that yet. I thought at the time what he did was wrong but I talked to him about it later and he said he didn't know I was pushing his hand away, and he feels really angry at himself if I didn't want it at the time. He sounds genuinely upset.

I have a lot of thoughts going on - like maybe because I made out with him I seemed like I wanted more, maybe it's okay because he didn't know I was trying to stop (and also I wasn't very firm, verbally or with pushing his hand away, so maybe I didn't communicate well enough to stop), maybe it's normal to get really touchy while making out. But other thoughts like what if this means he can't control himself when we make out, and like why would he do what he did sort of in public. Also he knew before that day I wanted to take it slow because I told him previously I felt he rushed into holding hands and kissing.

Very confused, please help. I do feel like because he is otherwise incredible I should trust him again, like everyone makes mistakes and that he does seem to really respect me otherwise. I don't know what to do.

[Heather]

What is YOUR gut feeling on this? I ask because I feel like this is one of those situations where it absolutely could have been him not getting it because that was the only communication AND he (or both of you) just not using any verbal communication from the front, also an error. Or it could have been abusive. My own sense, if you want it, just from this post alone, is from the sounds of everything you have said, he did make a mistake: he sounds pretty unhappy about it all, rather than it sounding like something he wanted or is trying to deny doing.

But these facts alone, nor my sense of this, doesn't really get us there. However, I think what you think about them, what you feel most strongly happened here -- what you felt at the time, and what you feel and think now -- DOES. Whatever that is? That's probably what this was, understand?

That said, you know you don't have to keep seeing someone if you no longer feel comfortable being with them after that happened, whether it was a mistake or an on-purpose, right?