Want to loose virginity after 4 years married already

[Saksh]

Hi team,

I know it's very wierd but I am married from past 4years but haven't lost my virginity yet as earlier was scared to do so for 2years after marriage but now since I am ready for it he is not able to penetrate inside actually he is a virgin and doesn't know much and not even interested to gain knowledge as he is satisfied the way we usually do i.e. rub each other till the time we are satisfied.

Due to busy lives we are unable to concentrate on this but now I am having the urge to have a baby and have proper sex but we end up just rubbing so I have decided to explore myself after reading so many post I have started being very comfortable with my body but I cannot see my vaginal opening to insert a finger and also do not have the courage to put a finger as I get scared. Please help..... How do I start???

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards.

You say your husband isn't interested in knowledge: can you tell me what that means? For instance, if you tried to share an article or two with him that explained how to have intercourse (and you'd be surprised how many people need some help with that: I promise it's not just the two of you), would he refuse to read it? If so, have you asked him why? What has he said?

In terms of your vagina and your finger, I promise you you can't harm yourself just b feeling around your vulva and putting a finger around or inside your vaginal opening. Think about it: the vagina can usually support a BIRTH and all that involves. A finger is nothing at all by comparison, you know? What has you feeling afraid?

[Saksh]

Hi team thank you for your reply

I have not shared any article with him but have asked him to get knowledge online but he never does and when I ask him to penetrate while having sex he does it anywhere which ends up to be painfully also I cannot see the opening what can I do for that and how do I ask my husband to have a proper knowledge. I am just 42kg FYI.

[Heather]

How much you weigh doesn't change anything here. People of all sizes can engage in intercourse and other kinds of sex.

You can probably se your own vaginal opening using a hand mirror and your fingertip (you find the opening by feeling with your finger, then look at it with the mirror). This article may help you get a better sense of where that opening, and the rest of your anatomy, is: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More.

In terms of your husband, how able do you feel to set limits with him? For instance, to tell him it isn't okay for him to just try and put his penis anywhere on your body, and that he *needs* to get more informed before you try and have intercourse again? In other words, this isn't really about asking: it's about you having limits with what someone else does with your body, which everyone should get to have, and then expressing those limits to him.

In terms of some information to give him to read, I'd suggest you start by sharing the piece I linked to above for you with him, as well as these two:
• First Intercourse 101
• Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry

There's more we can share with him after this, but I think these are two good places to just get started. Okay?