Numb labia

[Ateen]

I am an 18 year old, i had my first "heat-session" a few months back, we did not have sex, just the foreplay. We are in long distance relationship and met after 13 months. For the months we didnt meet, i wanted strongly to fuck him... but when we met, i wasnt aroused. Even the kiss didn't seem that good as the first time. He kissed me all over but i didnt feel excited. He fingered me as well but i didnt feel anything. On searching i found that fingering doesnt necessarily feel something for everyone. But since i was curious i touched my inner labia as well, i did not feel anything there as well. My clitoris does feel sensations, really strong one for the first time, but its intensity decreased as well on the second and third time that i touched it..have the nerves stopped responding?? I had never masturbated before as well. When he went back, after two-three days, the feeling to fuck him came back strongly again. Is there something wrong with me?
PS: there is one information that might be vital, i have this habit of keeping my hands inside my panty during night, it feels warm.. and i usually play with my labia ; though not in a sexual way, i dont feel any sexual feeling when i touch it.. can this be the reason that my nerves have stopped responding? Please help.
I have never orgasmed as well, i think.
I am not asexual, i am attracted to guys.

[Sam W]

Hi Ateen,

When you were being sexual with your partner, and when you're touching yourself, were you mentally aroused (in other words, was your brain excited and eager to have sex)? Too, if you have limited experience masturbating, it can be difficult to know what types of touches and activities will feel good with a partner. So one next step to try would be to masturbate and familiarize yourself with what feels good to you body. Does that sound like something you can do?

[Ateen]

No, i was not aroused both the times, i was more excited to have met him after such a long time. As for the masturbating part, i have tried touching my labia in a sexual way even when i am excited, i dont feel any pleasure from it. I cant discuss it with any doctor or my mother, as i am from india which is a rather conservative nation. My friends don't have any experience of masturbating as well. Is this normal? Please help me, i have began thinking that i may never enjoy sex anymore.

[Sam W]

Okay, if you weren't feeling sexually excited when you were with him, or when you're were touching yourself, then it makes sense that the stimulation wasn't all that pleasurable. The brain is the biggest sexual organ and it needs to be aroused in order for sexual contact to feel good. You can read more about why that is here: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body . When you were with him, did the two of you spend any time on foreplay or other activities to get you aroused?
When it comes to masturbating, it may help to know that there's no one, specific way that you're supposed to masturbate. So the fact that you don't feel much from touching your labia doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Something that might be helpful is to experiment with different types of masturbation to see which ones work for you. You can get ideas about what to try in this article: How Do You Masturbate?

[Ateen]

Thankyou for all the help that you are providing, just one last thing: yes, we did spend time on foreplay. He kissed me, sucked me breasts.. that does come under foreplay, right? But even then i couldn't feel that sexually excited as i should be. I liked all that he did, it felt good.. but when it came to my vagina and labia, the sensations were gone.
I think it may be because there were several other things on my mind as well, like what if we are caught? And since we were meeting after such a long time i wanted to talk to him endlessly.. though my friends term it pointless.. they say that i should have been more sexually excited as i was seeing him after so long. I hope my sex drive gets to normal when i get to see him more often. Am i correct in thinking this?
Thanks in advance

[Sam W]

You're welcome! And yes, what you're describing could definitely be counted as foreplay.

If you had lots of things on your mind, including worries about being caught, that can definitely decrease arousal because it takes you out of the moment and add stress into the interaction (and stress is a big sex drive killer). It also sounds like that in moment, you were more interested in a different kind of intimacy: you wanted to talk to him after being apart for awhile. And that's not silly or pointless at all! Even if you're attracted to a partner and you haven't seen them in awhile, you may not immediately want sex with them. You might want other types of closeness, other things that you miss when you're apart. So something to think about for next time is asking for that closeness when you want it. If want to talk and catch up before having sex, then you get to say so. Does that make sense?

[Ateen]

Thanks a lot! you have been of great help. Keep up what you people are going. This site is of great help

[Sam W]

You're so welcome, I'm glad it was helpful!