I don't get aroused ???

[DulceDiva]

You know how sometimes you wake up & are in a great mood for not particular reason . Is that how arousal works for most people ? Seems like others experience this strong urge to masturabte / perform other sex acts out of no where. I never feel that way , I only experience arousal after erotic content (literature,etc) , I am attracted to people in real life though so I'm ok. Also I tried pleasuring myself & recieved no enjoyment out of it, guess I need to try different things.

[Mo]

Arousal is something that people can experience in different ways - and even one person can experience it in different ways at different times.
Some folks will have a lot of "ambient" arousal, where they might have arousing thoughts or feelings happen pretty spontaneously in life. Others might only have those feelings with partners or when consuming erotic media, or in some other situation. So your experience of only feeling it when you're looking at erotic content isn't unusual.

When you're masturbating, are you only attempting that when you're already feeling aroused? It's fairly common for people to take a little bit to figure out what works for them when masturbating, in terms of when and how to do it in a way that feels good. Some trial and error is normal, even if it's a little frustrating.

[DulceDiva]

Thx so much I only tried when aroused , nice to know I'm not alone . Manintstream erotic media almost always depicts the woman not really enjoying herself or exaggerating how good it feels & /being treated roughly by a man. Lesbian media the type not made for men but for women seems to be gentle & like everyone is enjoying it. I've always identified as hetero. I am not neccessarily attracted to the women , more so the different ambiance the fem has. Althought I do think other women are pretty , but am not really interested in actually having romantic/sexual interaction with one.

[DulceDiva]

Still need more advice.

[Mo]

I think some of this will just come with time as you experiment and learn what works for you - we can't really tell you what you'll find arousing, or how to make masturbation feel good, because those things are so personal and not universal. I think giving yourself the time and space to learn these things about yourself naturally, and not putting too much pressure on yourself to figure it out right now will help!

[DulceDiva]

Thank you , so much.

[Heather]

I'd also add a reminder that sexuality is very diverse, so even worrying that the way you experience arousal -- or do so far -- is different from how someone else does just isn't something worth giving mental or emotional real estate to. There is no one way, or even anything other than billions of ways, human beings experience arousal or sexual desire.

I'd add that the idea "most" people experience desire for sex "out of nowhere" is one you should know isn't correct. The desire for sex is not only based on a host of common influences -- including biological ones that are required so make it impossible for arousal or desire to happen without any other influence -- it also almost always, if not always IS based on something that triggers those feelings. For you that seems to be people you are attracted to and pornography/erotica -- two of the most common desire-and-arousal-influencers for most people, I'd say -- but for others who do not feel desire based on those things, or only with those things, it's still coming from something, not "out of nowhere."

In other words, the ideas your concerns here are even based in in the first place are not based in reality, but assumption, and assumptions that don't reflect what we know, from broad study over time, to be sound or true. So, no need to sweat any of this.